It’s 10:30 p.m., and my daughter strolls to the bathroom. As she flicks on the light, my son calls out from his room, “Mom? What time are we heading to the park tomorrow?” Both kids were tucked in two hours ago. They’ve been in bed this whole time, yet neither has drifted off to sleep. They likely won’t for another 30 to 60 minutes.
Our two youngest, aged 13 and 8, are true night owls. They often stay up as late as my spouse and I do—usually around 10:30 or 11:00. Although they’re put to bed at a reasonable hour, typically between 8:30 and 9:00, their minds and bodies don’t seem ready to sleep.
Over the years, we’ve experimented with numerous strategies to encourage them to sleep earlier. We maintain a consistent bedtime routine, so that’s not the issue. We ensure they have plenty of active play and fresh air throughout the day. We’ve limited screen time and even instituted a “no screens after dinner” rule to protect their circadian rhythms from blue light exposure. We’ve tried both earlier and later bedtimes, waking them up early, and using guided sleep meditations, calming music, audiobooks, and even silence. Their room is dark, yet nothing seems to make a difference.
The only method that consistently helps them fall asleep more quickly is a small dose (1 mg) of melatonin. However, we’re hesitant to use it long-term due to unclear research on its effects on hormonal development. We occasionally use it, with our pediatrician’s approval, when they need to be up early, but otherwise, we allow their natural rhythms to play out.
Fortunately, homeschooling gives us the flexibility to accommodate their sleep patterns. It’s rare for them to need to rise early, so they still get adequate rest, sleeping from 11 p.m. to 8:30 or 9 a.m. instead of the traditional 9 p.m. to 6:30 or 7 a.m. If they were in a school setting, I’m uncertain how we would manage.
This wasn’t what we anticipated. Our first child was an early riser, and while the younger two started off with early bedtimes, their sleep patterns gradually shifted. Our pediatrician mentioned that some children simply have a natural inclination towards later sleep schedules.
I often joke about my husband being the culprit for our kids’ night owl tendencies; he recalls lying awake for hours in his youth. While he has adapted to a more balanced sleep routine over the past 19 years, he was certainly a night owl as a child. I, on the other hand, have always been an early bird, making it tough for me to relate.
Having kids who stay up late isn’t exactly my ideal scenario. I cherish my evening downtime after they’ve gone to sleep. However, as our oldest has entered her teenage years, she too has adopted a later bedtime, prompting me to utilize mornings for my alone time. After battling their natural sleep rhythms for far too long, we finally chose to embrace it. We still have them in bed at a reasonable hour but no longer stress over when they actually fall asleep. They always manage to nod off eventually.
Our pediatrician reassured us that as long as they are going to bed around the same time nightly and getting sufficient sleep, having a shifted schedule isn’t inherently problematic. Observing how our eldest’s sleep habits have evolved over time has eased my concerns. We’ve adopted the mindset of “if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it” regarding their evening routines.
After enduring years of sleep deprivation during their early childhood, I’m simply grateful that everyone sleeps through the night. While their nights may commence later, if all is well, why not let them be?
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Summary
Some children naturally gravitate towards being night owls, and despite various strategies to encourage earlier bedtimes, parents may find it easier to adapt to their children’s sleep patterns. Homeschooling often provides the flexibility needed to accommodate these individual rhythms, leading to happier and healthier family dynamics.