When my daughter was nearing her second birthday, I first encountered the term “highly sensitive.” At the time, I didn’t grasp its significance (or even what it entailed) and honestly didn’t think it mattered much. I dismissed it as yet another trendy term used by anxious parents to label emotional children as more resilient or tougher, all to soothe their own worries.
I initially viewed it as a cliché, a sensational headline. But I soon realized how mistaken I was. As my daughter transitioned from a babbling toddler to a spirited, insightful, and emotionally aware little girl — moving from her “terrible twos” into her bewildering threes — I recognized a shift in her behavior. It was evident that she was no ordinary child; she was different.
In typical fashion for a modern parent, I turned to the internet to seek answers about her demeanor. About a year later, the term “highly sensitive” resurfaced in my searches, and articles and forums began to suggest that my daughter fit the profile of a highly sensitive person (HSP). I came to understand that she truly was one, as am I.
But what does it mean for my daughter — my remarkable, smart, and spirited child — to be “highly sensitive”? I discovered that being an HSP isn’t synonymous with being overly emotional or fragile. It doesn’t imply that someone is weak or overly dramatic. Instead, it describes individuals with a nervous system that is more reactive to various stimuli, whether they be visual, tactile, auditory, or social.
Do you find loud sounds unbearable? Does uncomfortable clothing drive you mad? Do unexpected changes cause you anxiety? Are you constantly concerned about others? If so, you might just be an HSP too.
Being an HSP encompasses more than just a checklist of traits. While many HSPs are indeed sensitive, it manifests in unique ways. For instance, my daughter becomes distressed when I try to untangle her hair, and she cries when I raise my voice or deny her something. During moments like watching The Lion King, tears fill her eyes at Mufasa’s demise, not merely because of the loss but due to her genuine concern for Simba.
She feels deeply for others. “Is he okay?” she frequently asks, showing her heart is in the right place.
How does this sensitivity affect me? Well, when asked about dinner plans, I often feel overwhelmed by the pressure of making the right choice, fearing I might regret a wrong decision. Similarly, if someone shares their struggles, I can’t help but contemplate how to alleviate their pain, often to the point of neglecting my own feelings. If plans change unexpectedly, I’m left second-guessing myself, convinced I did something wrong.
At just four years old, my daughter demonstrates a desire to nurture her friends, often taking on a ‘class mom’ role during activities. She feels hurt when peers don’t engage with her or when friendships seem to falter. Each social slight weighs heavily on her heart, as she approaches every interaction with the belief that everyone is her friend.
Raising a child with such empathy is a challenge, especially when I share her sensitivity. I find myself awake at night, anxious about her social experiences. However, as her highly sensitive mother, I have an innate understanding of her feelings. While I can’t change her personality, I can support her through empathy and open conversations, helping her navigate her emotions in ways we both understand.
Despite the challenges, being an HSP brings its own gifts. HSPs tend to be compassionate, kind-hearted, and often possess a high degree of creativity and intuition. I recognize that while my daughter may struggle to comprehend her sensitivity, it’s essential for us to cultivate self-compassion and understanding.
Through our discussions, I hope to equip her with the skills to empathize with herself as much as she does with others. I aspire for her to learn to love herself wholeheartedly, just as she loves those around her.
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Summary:
Raising a highly sensitive child presents unique challenges and rewards. Understanding the traits of highly sensitive people (HSPs) can help parents navigate the emotional landscape of their children while fostering self-compassion and empathy. By engaging in open conversations and providing support, parents can empower their sensitive children to embrace their emotions and develop resilience.