By: Mia Thompson
I discovered on social media that my former partner, the father of my child, is now seeing someone new. The photo he posted showed them smiling happily together, with our dog in his arms and both of them wearing matching shirts. My heart sank, and I quickly exited the app, my hands trembling.
We’ve been apart for a year, and I understand that he has the right to seek new relationships. However, when you share a child with someone, they become more than just an ordinary ex. We were together for six and a half years and have a child, so learning about his new relationship through Facebook stung, especially since he claims I’m still a close friend.
It’s easy to put on a brave face and tell others—and even yourself—that you’re happy for your ex, even if you’re struggling internally. Society often implies that once a relationship ends, you have a limited time to feel hurt before you should move on. But in reality, that’s much more challenging.
If it were a typical ex you never had to see again, moving on would feel more straightforward. But when there’s a child involved, you’ll likely be interacting with them often. It becomes more complicated when you look into their eyes and recall the good times, making it difficult to witness them sharing joy with someone new.
Since finding out about his new girlfriend a couple of months ago, I’ve navigated a whirlwind of emotions. I’ve felt anger—not just towards him for not informing me sooner, but also for being the first to move on. I’ve mourned our relationship anew and worried about spending my life alone. Although I wish him happiness, I often find it hard to feel genuinely happy for him. Just when I start to feel okay, another post pops up, reigniting the hurt.
I’ve learned to accept my feelings, even if they sometimes feel undeserved. I acknowledge them and work through them. My ex and our son are very close, which means I see him frequently—sometimes several times a week. Often, it’s just a quick exchange of our child, but there are moments when we spend time together as a family of three. Those instances remind me of what our life could have been like, plunging me back into confusion and pain.
It’s completely natural to be curious about the new person in your ex’s life. I’ve done my share of searching and asking questions (no comment on that). You have the right to know certain details and to express your thoughts about when and how this new person is introduced to your child. If you prefer to wait until you’re sure the relationship is serious, communicate that. Your ex might not need to share every detail, but he does owe you information about how this affects your child.
Regardless of your feelings towards your ex’s new partner, it’s crucial to remain neutral in front of your child. Your emotions, whether anger or sadness, should never be shared with them.
There’s no one-size-fits-all way to cope with the end of a relationship. Each day may bring different emotions to the surface. Allow yourself to feel what you feel; don’t let anyone make you feel guilty for it. Your ex may date different people, or they might settle down with someone. In the end, you’ll reach a place where it no longer matters, and you’ll find your own happiness. So whether you cry into your ice cream or vent into a pillow, remember it’s all part of the healing process.
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Summary: It’s perfectly normal to experience a range of emotions after your ex moves on, especially when you share a child. Accepting and processing these feelings is essential, and it’s important to maintain neutrality regarding your ex’s new partner in front of your child.