I thrive in the mornings. I wake up with the world at my fingertips, ready to tackle my life goals! I’m determined to make wise choices, meditate, exercise, eat healthily, stay hydrated, and be the fun mom who gets everything done. I feel unstoppable—though I suspect that might be the caffeine talking.
Then reality hits. Some days that reality arrives early, as soon as the rest of my family stirs awake. Suddenly, my needs take a backseat; I’m no longer Lila, the ambitious individual, but just Mom—the one who juggles countless tasks, wiping down surfaces and responding to endless demands. My day turns into a cycle of feeding, helping, and comforting, over and over again.
By evening, my energetic self seems to have vanished without a trace, leaving me bewildered and fatigued. I forget all the healthy choices I intended to make, sliding into survival mode instead. My motivation drains away, and I find myself utterly exhausted.
Most nights end with me flopped on the couch after tucking the kids in (and then tucking them in again). I often indulge in snacks, maybe a bit too much, while zoning out in front of the TV. All I want is one little guilty pleasure for myself, usually in the form of ice cream—definitely with chocolate sauce and perhaps a dollop of peanut butter. Maybe I can find a semblance of happiness in a glass of wine. Or maybe two.
Clearly, my willpower is shot.
But I’m not alone in this struggle. Many of us grapple with willpower, which is essentially the ability to resist short-term temptations in favor of long-term goals—like avoiding that entire chocolate cake at 9 PM because we don’t want to face the consequences the next day.
A 2011 Stress in America Survey revealed that 27% of people cited a lack of willpower as their biggest barrier to making positive changes. So, do we only have a finite amount of willpower? Some researchers suggest that “willpower depletion” exists—spending our willpower on small decisions throughout the day can lead to surrendering to temptations by night.
We deplete our willpower in numerous ways, such as resisting the urge to unleash frustration at our snoring partner or refraining from tossing out food that goes unappreciated by our families. I find my willpower waning when I resist harsh replies to rude comments or when I munch on cucumbers instead of indulging in something cheesy and fried.
So what happens when our willpower runs dry? For me, it results in an evening of chaos. By the time night falls, I’m spent. I’ve exhausted my willpower, and now it’s time to indulge in a little self-care—whether that’s a relaxing bubble bath with some chardonnay or a pepperoni pizza paired with a binge of “Orange Is the New Black.” I convince myself that morning-me should chill out and enjoy those Oreos before they go stale.
As my children grow, I’ve begun to reclaim my identity during the day. I’m less likely to find myself staring into the mirror at night, bewildered by how the day slipped away. With more moments of self-existence, I’m finding that my evening self-sabotage is becoming less intense. Thank goodness for that!
For those of you still navigating this challenging phase, I empathize deeply. Motherhood is a beautiful yet bewildering experience, and we’re lucky if we emerge from it with just stretch marks and a few extra pounds. We’ll get through this stage, possibly with some Netflix habits and laugh lines, while also learning to appreciate self-care.
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Summary:
Mornings may bring motivation and ambition, but as the day unfolds, the demands of motherhood can deplete our willpower, leading to evening indulgences in snacks and mindless TV. This struggle is common, and even as children grow, reclaiming our identity can help reduce self-sabotage. Embracing self-care and finding balance is crucial in navigating motherhood’s ups and downs.