There are times when my friends and I find ourselves discussing intimacy, and while I’m lucky to have a circle of bold, liberated women, I often notice a disconcerting pattern among them. During these conversations, several of my friends share detailed fantasies or specific acts they’d love to explore with their partners, yet they hesitate to voice these desires. Conversely, they also mention certain things they strongly dislike during intimate moments, but shy away from confronting their partners about it.
This hesitation seems to be a common experience for many women, and I’ve faced it myself. So, I want to share a piece of advice I give to my friends (and to myself): Just tell your partner what you want! Seriously, don’t hold back (pun intended!). Being direct can lead to greater satisfaction for both of you.
I understand that expressing your desires can be daunting. Sexuality is layered and often influenced by our past experiences, which can be fraught with shame. Furthermore, the societal view of sex—where it is commercialized, dehumanized, and women are frequently objectified—further complicates our comfort levels. It’s easy to see why many women might feel embarrassed or anxious about sharing their wants in bed. What if they face rejection? What if their partners judge them for their fantasies?
If your partner makes you feel ashamed for your desires, you likely have larger relationship issues to address. Words that hurt or belittle are unacceptable. You deserve respect and understanding. But even if your partner doesn’t fully acknowledge your needs, it’s still a significant concern. Your sexual desires are integral to who you are—they reflect your core identity and should be shared with your significant other. You should feel confident and safe expressing them, trusting that your partner will listen without judgment.
More often than not, when you open up about your fantasies, your partner may be excited to explore them with you. Sharing a desire can be a turn-on in itself, and beyond heating things up in the bedroom, it fosters better communication and intimacy between you two.
Ultimately, we all deserve partners who are truly generous—those who aim to please and revel in your pleasure. Every woman deserves a sexual partner who prioritizes mutual satisfaction. What’s the point otherwise?
From my perspective, intimacy isn’t solely about technique; it’s about connection and communication. So many women have been conditioned to focus on giving pleasure rather than receiving it. We’ve been raised to see ourselves as objects of desire, molded to cater to men’s fantasies. This narrative is outdated and needs to change.
For those who still believe that women’s role is to solely please their partners, it’s time to reconsider. Women should start voicing their desires—not just in the bedroom but in all areas of life. Sex should be a joyous and fulfilling experience for everyone involved. Don’t hesitate to express what you want; you won’t regret it.
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In summary, it’s crucial for women to speak up about their sexual desires and dislikes. Embracing open communication not only enhances intimacy but also fosters deeper connections, leading to a more fulfilling sexual experience for all.