Parenting and Sharing: Why I Stand Firm on This Issue
Every few months, I stumble across a post from a parent declaring they’ve had enough of the “sharing” concept. “It’s just odd,” they assert, advocating instead for boundaries and the power of saying no. While the internet erupts in applause for these “no-sharing” parents with enthusiastic emoji reactions, I find myself perplexed, questioning: what on earth is happening here? Has the notion of “sharing is caring” been completely forgotten? Am I the only one who believes that teaching kids to share is crucial?
Recently, a mother gained attention for her viral Facebook post titled “MY CHILD DOES NOT HAVE TO SHARE WITH YOURS” (because apparently, we who support sharing need to be scolded online in all caps). She recounted an incident at the park where her son’s toys were sought after by other boys, and she advised him to “just say no.” The online community cheered enthusiastically with comments like “absolutely!” and “you go, girl!”
While I commend any parent who teaches their kids about discomfort and the importance of saying no, it is possible to instill the values of sharing and respecting boundaries simultaneously. Yes, we don’t always have to share, but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t. Here’s why:
People Matter More than Possessions
Sharing may seem unconventional, but I believe in the significance of kindness and helping others, even if they are strangers. Some might argue that we don’t share cars or furniture, but I do, and I want my children to embody this mindset as well. If a neighbor requests to borrow my car, I’m likely to agree. We frequently share items through Goodwill, yard sales, or even friendly trades. Just last weekend, I borrowed a treadmill from a friend and left with a dresser in return. If I possess something that someone else needs, I will gladly share it because supporting others outweighs my attachment to material possessions.
In her viral post, Alana Johnson used the example of bringing a sandwich to the park and feeling no obligation to share it. True, but what if a homeless individual asked for food? Would you not offer them your sandwich? I would, knowing I have plenty at home. What if someone needed to borrow your phone or laptop? I’d say yes without hesitation. There are certainly limits to sharing—like I wouldn’t share my toothbrush (gross)—but generally, I am open to sharing most of my belongings, and I expect my kids to be the same.
Hypocrisy in Not Sharing
I advocate for universal healthcare, fair wages, and supporting the working class, which necessitates sharing some of my resources. I feel comfortable doing this because I value equity, justice, and fairness. If I don’t encourage my children to share their toys, it would be hypocritical for me to expect others to share their hard-earned resources with them.
Boundaries and Respect Can Coexist with Sharing
It’s easy to say yes or no, but navigating the gray area is challenging. It’s simpler for our kids to deny sharing their toys, but taking turns and collaborating is where the real learning happens. This principle applies to shared spaces in offices and parking lots as well. We can teach our kids to share while also asserting their boundaries and ensuring respect for themselves and their possessions. For instance, my kids had special items, like their beloved stuffed animals, that they didn’t need to share. We also allowed them to choose which toys they felt comfortable sharing. It’s not an either/or situation.
Embracing Non-Attachment
While I wouldn’t define myself as devout, I resonate with many Buddhist principles, particularly the idea of non-attachment. This means enjoying things without clinging to them too tightly. By practicing non-attachment, we can better handle loss and the ever-changing nature of life, including the discomfort of sharing.
Rewarding Luck Isn’t Fair
Let’s be honest: my kids didn’t earn the toys they have. They were born into a family with the means to provide for them and showered with gifts they didn’t need. As the saying goes, to whom much is given, much is expected; therefore, I expect my children to share willingly.
Sharing Fosters Valuable Life Skills
Instead of automatically saying no when a new child at the park wants to use our kid’s toy, why not show them how to share or take turns? Maybe the other child could be difficult, teaching our kid essential skills for managing challenging personalities. On the flip side, they might forge new friendships or learn the joy of kindness and patience through sharing.
While it may sound simple or old-fashioned, I firmly believe in the value of sharing, even when it’s challenging. Except when it comes to my chocolate stash—then all bets are off. Just kidding (mostly).
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In summary, I advocate sharing among my kids because it fosters kindness, responsibility, and social skills. The act of sharing nurtures empathy and strengthens relationships, preparing them for a world where cooperation is key.