August 4, 2017
I’m utterly exhausted, to the point where I feel like crying, but even that seems like too much effort. These are the days I dread—the ones when I wake up feeling completely drained before I’ve even stepped out of bed. Forget a simple rewind; I’d settle for a button that allows me to delete the day entirely.
Last night was a chaotic whirl, as my three kids were determined to resist sleep at all costs. My youngest opted for marathon nursing sessions instead of catching some much-needed rest. Meanwhile, my two toddlers contributed to the nighttime mayhem: my oldest was in tears because his pillow fell off the bed, while the other was adamant that one cup of water simply wouldn’t suffice. I felt like a metal ball in a pinball machine, bouncing between their demands in a futile attempt to restore peace.
When I finally woke up for good, I could sense the heaviness in the air. Today was going to be one of those days—when everything seems to spiral out of control, and patience is nowhere to be found. It felt like all I could do was survive, and even that seemed unlikely.
Just an hour into the day, I’d already intervened in three squabbles, handed out a timeout, and witnessed some of the most outrageous tantrums. One child was inconsolable because his shorts lacked pockets, while the other threw a fit because I sliced his apple. They joined forces for a full-blown meltdown over my refusal to let them have candy for breakfast.
Getting them dressed was an exercise in futility, with more outfit changes than usual. Shorts were deemed “too short,” pants “too long,” and no shirt was acceptable. Despite their strong desire for socks, none of them seemed worthy of adorning their little feet. Their typical toddler antics felt amplified today; every request was met with stubborn refusals like “no,” “I don’t wanna,” or the dreaded “Mommy do it.” From fighting over the best dinosaur roar to squabbling over the couch, it was a morning filled with chaos. The pinnacle of absurdity came when they decided food belonged on the floor rather than their plates. This day was shaping up to be a disaster.
Did I mention I’m completely wiped out? Normally, I’d muster the energy to turn things around with a silly game or a spontaneous dance party. But not today. Even coffee seemed to betray me, offering no relief from my fatigue.
In a desperate bid to change our fortunes, I used my last ounce of energy to venture outside. I thought a trip to the park might help channel their boundless energy, but it turned into an utter failure. We barely lasted 15 minutes before a meltdown erupted over a toy, leading to a hasty exit. Not a single piece of playground equipment was used. How is it even possible to feel miserable at a park?
I came to the realization that there was no remedy for this day except for its inevitable conclusion. No one was happy, and everyone was exhausted. I wasn’t sure how I’d make it to naptime, let alone bedtime.
We all experience these dark days—I can’t be the only one. Energy levels plummet, and even forming words feels like an uphill battle. On these days, I find myself yearning for the days of working outside the home, when a break felt guaranteed. I wish I had family nearby to lend a hand during these exhaustive times.
No one prepares you for the days that leave you feeling utterly spent, unable to take care of energetic children. The moments of feeling alone, even surrounded by tiny humans, are all too real. These are the days filled with guilt, when I wish for nothing more than some quiet time to recharge. Days when even the thought of one more mishap feels unbearable. I find myself wishing the day would end so I could forget it ever happened.
These are the moments I hesitate to share for fear of judgment. Yes, I knew what I was getting into when I decided to have three kids in quick succession. But does that mean I’m not allowed to have a bad day? Thankfully, these gloomy days are rare, but I won’t shy away from admitting they happen. I’m not a bad mom, and I love my kids deeply, but motherhood is a challenge, and I’m not perfect. And that’s perfectly fine.
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Summary
The experience of motherhood is often accompanied by difficult, exhausting days that go unspoken. During these challenging times, parents may feel overwhelmed, alone, and guilty for struggling. It’s important to acknowledge such feelings and understand that it’s okay to have bad days.