Today, I didn’t manage to check off everything on my to-do list. On the surface, that shouldn’t be a huge deal, right? I’m a busy mother, and my home is generally tidy. My kids are well-behaved, and I run a successful business from home. Why should it matter that I missed one small task?
In truth, it doesn’t really matter at all. It was just a minor item that I can easily tackle tomorrow. Yet, because I’ve logged it in my to-do app, it feels as if I’ve inscribed it in stone. And when I fail to uphold that commitment, it stirs up uneasy feelings within me.
I become anxious and restless. I lie awake at night, obsessing over that trivial task, and my mind spirals into thoughts like: “Look at you, Emily. You’re losing control. This is the beginning of the end. Your career is doomed. Soon, your family will be in dire straits. No one will care for you. Everything will fall apart, and it will all be on your shoulders.”
No, I’m not entirely losing my mind (though it’s easy to convince myself otherwise). I just struggle with anxiety. It often rears its head, usually in some form each day.
The Facade of Normalcy
The thing is, I conceal it well.
I’m that mom who people sometimes gaze at and think, “Wow, how does she juggle it all?” I’m the person who radiates warmth, the one you can always turn to for support. I seem calm and collected; I’ve even been told I have a soothing voice. I’ve never been labeled as “nervous.”
I am quite different from the typical image of someone with anxiety: I don’t bite my nails or shake uncontrollably.
It all occurs in my mind. I keep it bottled up. My thoughts have a knack for sending me into a tailspin. It has been this way for as long as I can remember. I’ve experienced periods filled with panic attacks, even daily ones. I’ve sought therapy on and off since my teenage years.
Finding a Balance
Currently, I’d say I’m in a fairly good place. Panic attacks are infrequent, and my more intense anxiety has subsided somewhat. However, those nagging thoughts persist. I often find myself operating from a mindset of “worst-case scenario” — where I feel the need to excel in every aspect of my life or else face dire consequences.
It’s that internal voice that conjures up fears of my children or spouse facing accidents at least once a day. It’s the voice that assumes the person who hasn’t replied to my message either dislikes me or has met with tragedy. It’s the urge to respond to every work-related text or email immediately, driven by the fear of losing my job.
And it’s that very voice that tells me to maintain the façade of the perfect mother, ideal employee, and best friend — the savior of the world.
Breaking the Stigma
Perhaps this is part of why I often choose to write about my anxiety — to challenge the notion that anxious individuals fit a specific mold. I want to share with you that if you’re someone who buries their feelings — who has spent much of their life suffering in silence — you’re not alone.
I understand what it’s like to keep anxiety hidden, not wanting to burden others. I know the loneliness of maintaining an image, pretending that you have everything under control. Your anxious mind may convince you that revealing your struggles makes you vulnerable and exposes you to even more pain.
But I am also here to remind you that it doesn’t have to remain that way. You don’t need to shout your struggles from the rooftops like I do, but if you’re wrestling with anxiety daily, please seek help. Tools like therapy and medication may not eliminate your anxiety, but they can help you manage those overwhelming thoughts that rob you of joy and peace.
Every aspect of you is beautiful — even the parts you keep hidden. Remember, you are stronger than your anxiety. I believe it, and deep down, you do too. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.
Resources for Support
For more support on navigating anxiety and motherhood, check out this excellent resource on pregnancy and home insemination. Additionally, if you’re looking for guidance on self-insemination, this authority on the topic can provide valuable insights.
Summary
This article discusses the hidden struggles of anxiety that many individuals face, particularly mothers who appear to have it all together. It emphasizes the importance of seeking help and breaking the stigma surrounding mental health, while encouraging readers to recognize their strength and beauty despite their challenges.