Encouraging My Kids to Connect with Strangers

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There are countless reasons my children find me utterly cringeworthy. Whether it’s belting out “Take On Me” while driving my preteen and her friends or shouting “I love you!” at the school drop-off, I seem to have a talent for embarrassing them. But my greatest faux pas? I engage in conversation with strangers. All the time. Especially when my kids are around.

It doesn’t matter who they are—young, old, male, female, single, married, or even homeless—I’m an equal-opportunity stranger conversationalist. I’ll chat about anything that comes to mind: the weather, a book someone is reading, or the challenges of keeping a toddler in a shopping cart at the store.

While dining out, I often inquire about the dishes at the next table, and I happily engage the bank security guard in discussions about local sports or swap dog breed stories with the UPS delivery person. At Trader Joe’s, I might ask the cashier for mango recipes. I even stop to chat with the homeless individuals I encounter on my way through town. And when my kids are with me, they have to stop too.

Their sighs and fidgeting are hard to miss. The look in their eyes says, “Mom, you’re being so awkward. Can we leave?” I feign ignorance to their discomfort and draw them into the conversation. A simple “Right, sweetie?” usually does the trick, and soon enough, they’re nodding, responding, and maybe even cracking a smile. They’re connecting.

In a world saturated with news of violence, discrimination, and illness, talking to strangers feels like a small act of defiance against negativity. Each interaction is an opportunity to find the inherent goodness I believe exists in everyone. A smile can often prompt a smile in return.

Asking someone “How’s it going?” is a way to bridge the gap in this often isolating world. We all crave connection, but sometimes we don’t know how to initiate it. Talking to strangers offers a simple solution, frequently leading to mutual interest and kindness. It restores my faith in humanity, challenges stereotypes, and strengthens my ties to those around me. I want my kids to share in that experience.

We tend to live in our own bubbles, distracted by our thoughts or screens. We hide behind sunglasses or hats, marching purposefully down the street or waiting in line, often with a blank expression, as if oblivious to those around us.

Of course, there are times when we genuinely want to avoid interaction. I can usually tell when someone isn’t in the mood to engage—like when they avoid eye contact. It’s crucial for my kids to learn to respect these cues.

For those concerned that teaching my children to converse with strangers could lead to danger, it’s important to know that I guide them carefully. According to the U.S. Department of Justice, only a tiny fraction of missing children are abducted by strangers. Yes, risks exist, but I don’t want my kids to fear every person they encounter. They understand the importance of trusting their instincts. If something feels off, it probably is. Not responding to someone or declining to engage is not rude; it’s a protective measure.

While it’s true that some individuals wish to cause harm, I don’t believe they are the majority. In my experience, most people are open to connection. When I compliment someone’s dog or their unique shoes, it’s like flipping a switch; their demeanor changes, and they light up with a smile. We all crave community, even from a stranger in yoga pants juggling kids at the car wash.

So, yes, my dear children, I will persist in embarrassing you with my ’80s pop song renditions, my loud declarations of love, and my fervent conversations with strangers—and I hope you’ll embrace it too.

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Summary:

In this piece, Sara Thompson shares her philosophy on encouraging her children to engage with strangers, despite their embarrassment. She believes that these interactions foster connection and challenge the negativity prevalent in today’s world. By teaching her kids to appreciate the goodness in people and to trust their instincts, she aims to instill a sense of community and openness in them.

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