A week prior to Mother’s Day, I woke up to find one of my eyes swollen and gooey. I tried to brush it off, reasoning that moms often have to prioritize everything else. Two days later, a small, tender bump appeared on the outer side of my upper eyelid. After some research and poking around, I realized I had developed a chalazion, caused by blocked glands in the eyelid, trapping natural oils. The more it grew, the more it resembled a stubborn blemish, but the internet advised against popping it. My ophthalmologist confirmed this and instructed me to apply a warm compress five times daily, wash my eyelids with baby shampoo, and, most importantly, to avoid all makeup near my eye.
While I acknowledge there are far more critical issues in the world, the thought of going without makeup, especially with a glaring red bump on my eyelid, heightened my anxiety. There are many things I don’t care about, but apparently, forgoing makeup when I have an unsightly bump isn’t one of them. Regardless, I understood the need to prioritize self-care, which meant adhering to my doctor’s guidelines, no matter how challenging.
I don’t wear much makeup, but giving up my concealer, mascara, and occasional eyeliner was a struggle. I felt that putting blush on my cheeks was pointless when my eyes were bare and sporting a bright red mark. I simplified my routine to just moisturizer and sunscreen, donned my sunglasses like a celebrity indoors and outdoors, and attempted to hide behind my long side bangs.
However, maintaining that facade proved difficult. I wish I could say I was unfazed by my friends’ surprised reactions to my swollen eye or the way my kids were both curious and a bit disgusted by it. I wish I could claim that the lump didn’t bother me at all, especially since I’m in my 40s and generally adopt a carefree attitude. But truthfully, going without makeup left me feeling exposed. My blemish, dark circles, and uneven skin tone were all on display for everyone — and myself — to see.
Makeup can be empowering; it boosts our confidence and enhances our beauty. It can transform us from tired moms to radiant women, or simply lift our spirits when we need it. However, for me, it had morphed into a means of concealing my true feelings. By hiding my dark circles and adding color to my cheeks, I could ignore my fatigue and worries. I had been practicing the old adage, “fake it ‘til you make it,” burying my anxiety beneath layers of blush and eyeliner.
Yet, nothing brought me down more than that irritating chalazion. For the next six weeks, I spent hours each day applying a warm compress while listening to podcasts. I also took ample time to study my bare face in the mirror. Gradually, I became accustomed to my natural look, complete with freckles and smile lines. I began to notice improvements in my skin when I managed to get enough sleep or remembered to take my iron supplement.
Each morning, I would look in the mirror and think, “What you see is what you get.” Some days, I saw a well-rested version of myself; other days, I recognized a woman who needed a quiet retreat and perhaps a few green smoothies (or mimosas, whichever). I started to slow down on those tougher days, acknowledging my sadness, frustration, stress, or fatigue. Listening to my needs became a new habit.
After nearly two months, the chalazion showed no signs of improvement. Finally, my ophthalmologist drained the bump, leaving a small bit of scar tissue. I was cleared to wear makeup again, which was fantastic, but interestingly, I felt fine without it. I no longer mind showing up as my authentic self, regardless of how I look. I’m not declaring I’ll never wear makeup again — it’s too enjoyable to entirely give up — but for now, I’m relishing my bare face. It feels empowering, and for the first time, I feel comfortable in my own skin.
For more insights on personal journeys and motherhood, check out our other blog posts, like this one on self-care. If you’re interested in fertility and wellness, Make a Mom offers great resources too. Additionally, the CDC provides excellent information on pregnancy and home insemination.
In summary, my experience of going makeup-free due to an unexpected chalazion led me to discover a newfound sense of self-acceptance. By embracing my natural appearance, I learned to face my emotions and needs head-on, ultimately feeling empowered in my own skin.