In the quiet of my kitchen, I find myself standing next to a young woman. Her hair is tangled, and she shifts nervously, uncertain of what to say or do. Just the night before, her brother succumbed to an overdose. Her mother is a dear friend of mine, and in the wake of such profound grief, I’ve come to offer support by filling the fridge and tidying up—it’s a small act when everything else feels overwhelming.
“I don’t know how to make lasagna,” she admits, glancing at the pan I’m preparing to place in the freezer.
“That’s okay, dear. I can guide you,” I reply, starting to explain how to preheat the oven.
“I don’t know what to do after that,” she interrupts, her voice trembling.
I take a moment to really see the fragile young woman standing beside me. “No one knows what comes next, love. In moments of deep sorrow, sometimes all we can do is simply be together in the silence.”
Years have passed since I last saw this tall, 22-year-old. I remember when she was just a child, breezing in and out of my girls’ nights with her mother, growing up faster than any of us anticipated. Today, she stands as a young woman searching for maternal comfort, and in this moment, she finds it with me.
As I stroke her hair and grasp her hand, we remain still together, letting the oven’s beeping fill the space between us.
My journey of loving like a mother began 16 years ago. The day Simon was born was filled with the chaos of labor and the shock of holding my child for the first time. Instead of the overwhelming love I expected, I felt only exhaustion. That sense of disconnect lingered as I went through the motions of new motherhood, nursing and changing him as if it were a performance.
In the early hours of our last hospital stay, I wandered the empty halls with my IV pole, following my doctor’s orders. Suddenly, I heard a baby cry.
“That’s Simon,” I thought, laughing at my own absurdity—how could I distinguish his cry when I had just met him? But on my next lap, a nurse approached, wheeling a bassinet from the nursery.
“Mrs. Bennett! I was just bringing your little boy to you. Simon was crying, and I didn’t want him to wake the others. He needs his mommy.”
And in that moment, the essence of motherhood ignited within me.
Years later, I sometimes confuse motherhood with the mundane tasks of daily life—carpooling, organizing forms, and filling the bleachers at games. I mistakenly categorize mothering with labels like single, divorced, or foster.
But that’s merely surface noise. True mothering transcends grocery lists and school projects; it emerges when a child needs unwavering love and a safe haven. It’s the moments when they seek a champion.
I’ve supported a 13-year-old boy who had just come out to his deeply religious family, worried he had shattered his family’s bonds. Simon brought him to our home for a meal of meatloaf and mashed potatoes, reminding him that parental love is often obscured by life’s complexities.
I’ve also mothered a 4-year-old girl, whose past had left her scarred and in the system, moving through multiple foster homes. She once locked my baby in a box and set fires, but despite the challenges, she was mine to love fiercely during that chapter of our lives.
Loving like a mother isn’t exclusive to biological ties. My children have been nurtured by their teachers, group leaders, stepmothers, grandmothers, and friends’ mothers, all of whom have opened their hearts and homes. I’m often left in awe of the unseen ways my children have been enriched by the love of other maternal figures.
This profound connection doesn’t depend on blood, legal documents, or gender. It doesn’t diminish the love of those related by title. Motherly love is defined by the unconditional care we provide when it’s needed most. When you love someone in the way they require at that moment, you embody the spirit of motherhood. And our world is undoubtedly better for it.
For more insights on growing families and supporting one another through the challenges of parenthood, check out this excellent resource from Resolve.
In addition to this, if you’re exploring options for starting a family, you might want to visit Make a Mom for information on fertility journeys.
Summary
This article explores the essence of motherly love, highlighting the deep emotional connections formed through nurturing, regardless of biological ties. It emphasizes the importance of providing unconditional love and support, especially during challenging times, and recognizes the many ways maternal figures enrich our lives.