I have enough kids already, and adding another would only complicate our lives further. With my current crew of munchkins devouring everything in sight, the last thing we need is another mouth to feed — and that’s just the beginning of the challenges.
I’ve often wondered about those women who seem absolutely certain they’re done having children. You know the ones — when asked if they might consider having another baby, they reply with a confident, “No way.” Their decisiveness always struck me as so final.
I, on the other hand, was never quite so sure. My mind constantly echoed, “No more babies!” We have a full house; it’s costly, and we face space constraints. The more kids we have, the less we can offer them because our resources would be stretched too thin.
Yet, deep down, my heart was always whispering, “More babies! Have them until your body gives out!” This led to a back-and-forth struggle, caught in a peculiar limbo of not feeling completely finished. I can’t tell you how many times I heard from those “done” moms that I’d know when I was finished, but I found it difficult to believe them. One day I’d feel content, and the next day I’d be hit by a wave of baby fever.
I thought I might never reach that sense of resolution — perhaps it stemmed from my past struggles with infertility, which left me yearning to be a mother for five long years. I worried I’d always have that persistent feeling that my family wasn’t quite whole.
However, something miraculous occurred in the last few months: I’ve realized I’m done. I now confidently belong to that group of mothers who understand that their family is complete. If you’re in a similar state of uncertainty, don’t lose hope; it will likely come for you too.
It all began with a newborn in my neighborhood. Adorable, yes, but I felt zero urge to hold her while others passed her around. A month later, I encountered another newborn. I held this one, but surprisingly, my usual nostalgic yearning for another child was absent.
I was taken aback, almost as if I had awoken from a dream. I had lingered in this “done” limbo for so long that it felt unreal. To test my newfound realization, I wandered through baby aisles at the store and even went through my kids’ old baby items. To my astonishment, the “done” moms were right — you really do know when you’re finished.
The answer, I believe, is quite simple: the more freedom I embrace, the less I crave additional children. My kids now range from ages 5 to 12, which means I’ve spent over a decade in the thick of parenting. The thought of moving on to the next phase, now that my “babies” need less oversight, was once intimidating. But as they require less of my constant attention, I’ve come to appreciate the freedom it brings.
For instance, my 12-year-old can stay home alone for a couple of hours and even keep an eye on his 9-year-old sibling. This means fewer kids to cart around or arrange childcare for. They’re capable of helping with chores — and not just the kind where I have to redo everything they do (they can actually clean a toilet now!).
Most nights, they sleep through without interruption, and if something does wake them, they can usually handle it on their own. Hallelujah! They can prepare their meals and clean up afterward. When I say, “Go take a bath,” I no longer have to worry about anyone drowning or not getting fully clean (though I still have to remind them to use soap from time to time).
I can engage in real conversations with them. They’re smart, funny, and no longer require me to explain every little thing. My body is mine again, along with a lot more of my time. There are no more buttons to fasten, zippers to pull up, or shoes to lace. Most importantly, there are no more diapers to change — just my own.
While babies are delightful to snuggle with, they also require a significant amount of effort. Although I occasionally miss the baby stage of my own children, those feelings are no longer accompanied by a longing to go through it all again. Instead, I think, “Ah, that was sweet. Now take your baby back; his diaper is full, and I’ve changed enough for a lifetime.”
My desire for more children has officially come to an end.
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In summary, I’ve transitioned from a state of uncertainty about expanding my family to a firm conviction that I’m done. My kids are growing up, and I’m embracing the freedom that comes with it — a freedom that I find increasingly satisfying.