Let me share a personal revelation. The woman in the photo on the left? That’s me—five years ago, after welcoming three children into the world.
This snapshot was taken by a serene lake, just two months shy of my 35th birthday. At that time, I was the smallest I’d been since I was a teenager. I remember walking into J.Crew, confidently asking for a size 8, only to be told by the sales associate that I should probably be trying on a size 4. Nice of her, but I insisted on the 8, which, unsurprisingly, fell right off me. I weighed 123 pounds, the lightest I had been since I was 15. Yet, when I saw this image later, I couldn’t shake the feeling that I looked ‘fat.’
Fast forward to the present day, where you see me with my five children—this time, I embrace my ‘larger’ self. My weight has fluctuated over the years, much like a roller coaster ride. Up and down, round and round, without the thrill. This back-and-forth has been my reality through the chaos of pregnancy, the demands of nursing school, and the emotional rollercoaster of life’s ups and downs.
The body you see now, which some might label as ‘less fit,’ was shaped by significant life events: the loss of a sweet baby girl, navigating marriage and divorce, moving homes, and enduring injuries. My former physique, often praised for its ‘hotness,’ came at a steep price. I was restricting myself to a meager 1,000 calories daily, running over 35 miles a week, and sacrificing sleep for the sake of weight loss. My days revolved around counting every morsel of food, leading to an obsession that ultimately didn’t equate to happiness.
If you’re following along, you might be wondering, where am I going with this? It’s likely you’re thinking one of these things: 1. Wow, what happened to that hot body? 2. How could you possibly gain weight? 3. Why do you seem less attractive in the after photo? Or maybe, just maybe, you’re among the few who recognize that I’m both fat and happy.
I want to dismantle the stereotype that thinness equals happiness. The truth is, my skinniness didn’t bring me joy. Sure, being a size 4 had its perks—like finding clothes that fit easily and garnering attention from strangers. But the obsessive focus on my appearance and fitness took a toll on my mental health. I was more consumed with working out and calorie counting than enjoying life’s simple pleasures.
Happiness isn’t tied to a specific size. Being overweight doesn’t equate to sadness. This isn’t to suggest that thin individuals don’t find happiness; rather, it’s crucial to understand that being thin isn’t a one-way ticket to joy. I’ve been mulling over these thoughts for weeks, and a recent blog post inspired me to put pen to paper. We urgently need to amplify our voices against the overwhelming narratives of diet culture, quick-fix solutions, and unrealistic beauty standards.
Since my last photo, I’ve gained ten pounds due to medication changes related to my bipolar disorder. I won’t lie—finding clothes that fit can be disheartening. But in this journey, I’ve discovered a newfound peace. There’s a tranquility in letting go of societal expectations, allowing me to engage more fully with my kids and embrace moments of rest.
I’m here to tell you that it’s not just okay to be fat and happy; it’s empowering. Wear that bikini with confidence. Indulge in pizza and ice cream without guilt. Savor life and don’t apologize for enjoying it. Society has created an entire industry that profits from our insecurities, but we don’t have to play along. The belief that beauty and happiness are synonymous with being thin is a fallacy.
Want to delve deeper into this topic? Check out this insightful post on Cervical Insemination that highlights the significance of body positivity in all aspects of life. If you’re seeking resources on pregnancy and home insemination, Women’s Health is an excellent place to start. And for those considering at-home insemination, Make A Mom offers reputable syringe kits to help you on your journey.
In summary, my journey has taught me that happiness transcends size. It’s about embracing who you are, letting go of societal pressures, and finding joy in the moments that matter most.
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