Today, I’m grappling with negative thoughts about my weight. It’s a struggle that seems to weigh me down, almost as if I’m carrying the burden of it on my shoulders. I’m acutely aware of the discomfort between my thighs as I walk, and I can’t find anything in my wardrobe that feels comfortable or looks right. Each piece of clothing seems to cling to me in ways that only amplify my discomfort.
When I catch my reflection, I see a familiar face—one that belittles me, questions my worth, and makes me feel insufficient. Food feels like an adversary; every bite seems to add to my self-doubt and anxiety, and I despise the mental toll it takes. Counting calories becomes an exhausting ritual, and I find myself fixating on every flaw, every imperfection. Getting ready, and especially undressing, becomes an ordeal. The feeling of disgust is overwhelming; I long to retreat from the world.
In the past, I would have succumbed to these feelings. I would have let them dictate my choices, skipping meals and doubling my workouts while hiding from both the day and my own reflection. I would lose myself in a cycle of despair, disappearing into the shadows of my own mind.
But that was then, and this is now. Today, I have you—my wonderful, energetic, and delightful little boys. You remind me of the beauty in each moment, pulling me away from the darkness that once consumed me. With your laughter and joy, I find light.
So today, I refuse to hide. I’ll slip into my favorite sweats and enjoy the comfort of the elastic waistband against my skin, a reminder of the journey I’ve taken to bring you into this world. I cherish that scar on my body, a symbol of the love and strength that brought you here.
Instead of depriving myself, I’ll invite you to help me bake cookies. We’ll laugh together as we taste the dough and share chocolate chips, creating sweet memories without the bitterness of guilt.
When I look in the mirror, I’ll smile at the woman you call “Mom.” I’ll let her confidence shine through, dismantling the negative image that once haunted me. I’ll bounce you on my knees, give you piggyback rides, and spin you around to our favorite tunes, soaking in your laughter and the joy of our moments together. I am grateful for a body that allows me to engage with you, to create memories, and to share in your joy.
As for my weight? It holds no true significance. It’s merely a superficial burden I carry. But you—my children—are my true treasure. I carry you in my heart, and that is a weight I willingly embrace.
Sure, some days I will still feel heavy under the weight of negative thoughts, but I also choose to feel grateful, blessed, and enough. You are the reason I can find joy amidst the struggle. Thank you for lighting my path.
If you’re interested in exploring more about the journey of parenthood and body image, check out our post on how having kids improved my body image or find helpful resources like American Pregnancy for insights on donor insemination. And if you’re looking for fertility support, visit Make a Mom for quality home insemination kits.
In summary, while I may have days filled with self-doubt, the love and joy my children bring into my life remind me of what truly matters. I’m grateful for the lessons they teach me about self-acceptance and embracing the present.
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