Long before I became a parent, I encountered a plethora of so-called wisdom from others. “If your child doesn’t want to go to the park, just tell them it’s closed.” “When your toddler is having a meltdown in the store, inform them that the item they want isn’t for sale.” “If your teenager keeps shutting their door in anger, just grab a screwdriver and remove the door.”
These were the enlightening pearls of advice shared by well-meaning friends. One couple I knew even wrapped their 5-year-old son’s old toys as gifts for Hanukkah! While I can appreciate creativity, that’s definitely one parenting tactic I have no intention of adopting.
As my wife and I prepared for parenthood, we were inundated with comments like, “Once you have a child, your life is over,” or the slightly more optimistic, “Your life truly begins.” How about we settle on, “When you have a child, your life just continues, but with additional chaos”?
Now that I am a father, I can confidently say it’s the most rewarding experience ever. However, the most exasperating aspect of being a parent is the unsolicited and often conflicting advice that comes from other parents. “Don’t worry—it gets easier!” they assure you, only to follow it with, “Enjoy these sleepy moments because soon you’ll be chasing after a toddler!”
And let’s not forget the seasoned parents who claim, “It’s different with the second child.” Really? You mean to tell me that parenting two children isn’t just a mirror image of parenting one? Why isn’t that headline news?
Just last week, while riding the elevator in our building with my wife and our 8-week-old son, we encountered another couple with their daughter in a stroller. The mother, visibly pregnant, gazed at our son and whispered to her husband, “Remember when she was that small?” He chuckled and turned to us, saying, “You’re doing a great job.”
My immediate thought was, “How would he know?” Maybe he’s just impressed that we’re not tossing our baby around during this brief elevator ride. For all he knows, we could be feeding him candy and mixing vodka into his milk. Just because he’s been a parent for four years doesn’t give him the right to make sweeping judgments about our parenting. I simply smiled and said, “Thank you,” as we exited.
As a new parent, I understand the urge to share my experiences. I find myself talking to taxi drivers and anyone who will listen about my son, and I post countless pictures of him online—something I once scoffed at before joining this delightful fraternity.
My text conversations with friends have shifted from wild dating stories and sports updates to discussions about diaper creams, blowout incidents, and sleep routines. I’ve also noticed a newfound camaraderie with fellow parents in strollers. A shared glance often conveys, “I get it.”
Recently, I shared a ride with a young mother and her 5-year-old daughter, who was asking an array of questions. Her mother answered, “Yes, sweetie, the driver is stopped because the light is red.” It’s amusing to see how some parents celebrate the simplest of achievements.
While it’s easy to chuckle at these interactions, I firmly resolve not to be the parent who heaps praise on their child for mere existence. I also refuse to be the one dispensing unsolicited advice to others. Instead, I’ll simply smile at their baby and offer a genuine, “Congratulations.” For further information on family planning and home insemination, check out this insightful post on our other blog.
To summarize, embarking on the parenting journey is both fulfilling and overwhelming. Although it comes with unsolicited advice from others, I’m committed to not becoming that parent who imposes their experiences on others. Instead, I’ll focus on celebrating this new chapter in life.