Parenting is a challenging journey, especially when it comes to teaching young children self-control. Any parent who has dealt with a toddler understands the struggle: kids want everything immediately. Convincing them to wait for that special toy until their next birthday or to hold off on dessert until after dinner can feel like an uphill battle.
Children are not naturally inclined to exercise patience, which places the responsibility on us as parents to guide them in developing this essential skill. The importance of self-control extends beyond simple desires. Teaching kids how to manage their impulses is critical for their future well-being and success.
In an insightful piece titled “How to Cultivate Self-Control in Children — And Why It Matters for Their Future,” Chloe Adams references a groundbreaking study from New Zealand that tracked children from birth to age 32. The results were eye-opening: children who displayed higher self-control at age five tended to lead healthier and more successful lives as adults.
Adams notes, “By the time they reached adulthood, children with the lowest self-control were significantly more likely to face health issues (27% vs. 11%), earn less than $20,000 annually (32% vs. 10%), have a criminal record (43% vs. 13%), and struggle with substance abuse (10% vs. 3%).”
However, don’t despair if your little one just had a meltdown over waiting for dessert! There are numerous strategies we can implement to help our kids develop self-control. For instance, when children are presented with opportunities to delay gratification—such as earning a larger reward for waiting or working toward a goal—they learn the value of patience.
Discussing scenarios where impulsive decisions may arise can also be beneficial. By reducing stress through open dialogue, children can be better equipped to make thoughtful choices in challenging situations.
Adams suggests a powerful question to ask kids: “What would your future self say?” This prompts them to think about the long-term consequences of their actions, making it a useful tool for older children. Engaging in games that focus on delaying gratification, assigning chores tied to future rewards, and establishing clear boundaries further reinforce the importance of self-control.
Remember, you might already be doing many things right as a parent to nurture your child’s self-control. It’s important to acknowledge your efforts. For instance, my five-year-old is still learning the concepts of past and future, so it’s okay if your child struggles with waiting for something they desperately want. Children often prefer immediate satisfaction over the promise of something better later on.
If your child isn’t yet adept at waiting, don’t fret. This is entirely normal, and their impulse control will naturally improve as they mature. For now, we can help them understand that good things often come to those who wait. While they might throw a tantrum over not getting another toy train, we can take pride in setting the foundation for their future success.
And remember, every now and then, it’s perfectly fine to indulge in dessert first!
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Summary:
Teaching children self-control is crucial for their future success and well-being. Strategies include creating opportunities for delayed gratification, discussing impulsive situations, and engaging them with thought-provoking questions. With patience and consistent effort, parents can guide their children toward developing this essential skill.