“Boys will be boys.” While this phrase may seem simplistic, it captures a fundamental truth. Boys and girls differ in various ways—physically, mentally, and even spiritually. The essence of boyhood is characterized by an innate curiosity to explore, build, dismantle, engage in rough play, and express affection. My son, a delightful little cuddle bug, embodies this spirit. He showers me with gifts like pinecones and comforts me when I’m down. He’s a true gentleman at heart, yet he also embraces his rough-and-tumble nature.
He loves interacting with nature—playing with sticks, splashing in water, engaging in playful wrestling, and chasing friends around. His joyful roars can even startle the younger ones nearby. I often catch the disapproving glances from others, as if we’re a pair of wildlings disturbing the calm of their well-behaved children. And let’s face it, many of those perfectly composed kids are often girls. Comparing boys and girls is like comparing apples to cars; it just doesn’t work.
I understand that discussing gender differences can be sensitive, and I recognize that there can be exceptions. However, it’s crucial to acknowledge that not all behaviors fit neatly into societal norms. I’ve found myself apologizing for my son’s boyish antics more times than I can count, and I suspect there are mothers out there with cautious boys who may feel differently about gender roles.
Having been a girl myself, I can relate to the nuances of childhood behavior. I was never one for roughhousing; I was introverted and shy. Watching my son’s exuberance sometimes leaves me in disbelief. He can be quite the spirited player, and I’ve seen him accidentally bump into others during his adventures. I realize why some might perceive us as disruptive, but I believe there’s a deeper issue at play.
One of the challenges we face as a society is the diminishing acceptance of unstructured, active play. Children don’t always need to maintain an adult’s “arm’s length” distance from one another. For boys, the rough-and-tumble nature of play is as normal as quiet, gentle play is for others. Each child is unique, and their play styles reflect that individuality.
A couple of summers ago, we attended a sand and water party hosted by a friend. I was excited to let my then two-year-old son get messy and have fun. While the only other child, a sweet girl, meticulously built sandcastles, my son decided to dive into the water pail and cover himself in sand. The host was visibly shocked and questioned my son’s approach to play. Yet, when I looked at him, I saw pure joy. I confidently replied, “Yes, I want him to play freely. That’s all I’ve ever wished for him.” Though she acknowledged his happiness, her focus remained on the inconvenience of cleanup.
This experience made me wonder if our aversion to rough play is more about adults’ discomfort than about actual child behavior. Certainly, rough play can be chaotic, and it requires some supervision. However, are we limiting our children because of preconceived notions of “proper behavior” or simply because it disrupts our routines? With a background in Gender Studies and Child Development, I worry that we’re stifling boys’ natural tendencies to be loud, fast, and messy. Girls, too, exhibit similar behaviors, although they often receive more leeway when they do.
When we tell boys to “calm down” or “keep their hands to themselves,” we inadvertently suppress their inherent nature. While I firmly believe that bullying must be addressed, there’s a significant distinction between aggression and playful roughhousing. Encouraging rough play is vital for healthy development, and we should advocate for more of it, not less.
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In summary, embracing the unique, rough-and-tumble nature of boys is essential for their growth and development. Let’s create a space where children can play freely, express themselves fully, and enjoy their childhood without the burden of societal constraints.
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