Even as adults, that childhood feeling of standing alone on the playground—arms outstretched, asking, “Hey, do you want to be friends?”—never really disappears. Nowadays, you might find yourself reaching out in a fitness class, at work, or while watching your kids’ sports games. But the discomfort remains the same.
When you’re part of a couple, you naturally encounter other pairs with shared interests along the way—whether it’s camping, a sport, or your children’s activities. Sometimes it’s just the convenience of being neighbors that fosters connections.
However, making couple friends can feel a lot like dating. “Oh, you’re not into sports and prefer vegan food? Hmm, not really a match.” The reality is, there’s an additional layer to consider when forming friendships at this stage of life: the material aspects that can enrich the relationship.
These aspects often include a cottage, a boat, or an exclusive golf club membership. Perhaps it’s the connections you hold—like a friend who’s a pro athlete or a local news anchor. It seems that many adults today prefer to befriend those who offer some tangible benefits to the relationship.
“Hey, what are you up to this weekend? We could chill at the lake and go Ski-Dooing—don’t forget your wetsuits!” Unfortunately, we don’t own Ski-Doos or wetsuits. But we can certainly bring snacks like chips and a cooler of drinks. How about some classic Wonder Bread and peanut butter?
Yes, we’re in our 40s and we’re doing well—our kids are healthy, well-dressed, and involved in extracurricular activities. We even manage to take vacations. Yet, when it comes to luxury items or exciting toys, those remain out of reach. Our extras might be upgrading our mattress or getting new tires for the car, but those sporty toys and that coveted timeshare are still on the wish list. For now, they take a backseat to our children’s needs and other expenses.
We’ve enjoyed many great moments with friends, from backyard barbecues to vacations spent soaking in hot tubs. However, as our friends have progressed in their lives, their interests and priorities seem to have shifted. It appears that those simple gatherings are no longer sufficient, and they’ve gravitated toward friends who have more “stuff.”
While we’ve also made strides, it’s been in different ways. We’ve pursued jobs that provide greater flexibility and more family time, albeit with some sacrifices. The toys and boats can wait—if they ever materialize at all.
What we bring to friendships is genuine laughter and our authentic selves. And if the invitation still stands, we’d love to join you at your cabin or club, sandwiches in tow.
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Summary:
Making friends in your 40s can be challenging, especially when the social scene is influenced by material possessions. While many adults gravitate toward friendships that offer certain benefits, it’s possible to cultivate genuine connections based on shared experiences and laughter. Even without luxuries, we can still enjoy meaningful interactions.