As summer arrives, I find myself relieved for many reasons: no homework, no frantic wake-up calls at dawn, and no more endless debates about lunch options for my kids. Most importantly, I’m thrilled that my tween’s soccer season has come to an end for a few months.
When a child is dedicated to a team sport, it demands a significant time investment from the entire family. There are countless hours spent driving to practices and games, volunteering, and cheering them on from the sidelines. I enjoy watching my daughter play soccer, and as long as she finds joy in it, I’ll gladly continue to support her.
However, I’ve struggled as a parent, and my daughter has faced considerable challenges with anxiety during her time on the field. In the days leading up to a game, her worry intensifies. She dreads being assigned the goalie position—a role she finds burdensome due to the high stakes. If she allows a goal, she feels she has let her team down; if she blocks a shot, she thinks it merely maintains the status quo. This perspective reflects how her 12-year-old mind processes success and failure. When playing forward, she also frets over whether her teammates will cooperate, concerned that she might seem selfish with the ball.
Her anxiety transcends mere performance concerns. On the field, it doesn’t dissipate; instead, it lingers, sometimes fueling her with adrenaline as she races towards the goal. Yet, it can also overshadow her enjoyment, causing her to frown even when her team is ahead. This isn’t due to poor sportsmanship—she’s a fantastic team player, always eager to assist her teammates and even help opponents when they fall. The root of the issue lies in her anxiety.
My daughter often feels anxious in unfamiliar situations and requires detailed information about upcoming events. For example, during trips, she insists on knowing flight numbers and exact departure times and often reminds us to leave at the perfect moment to avoid missing our flight.
When she is anxious, she becomes restless, fidgeting and tapping her foot. Initially, we thought her attention to detail indicated curiosity, but we now understand it as a sign of anxiety, and we strive to accommodate her needs. For soccer, we begin our preparation the night before. On game day, we ensure she has ample time to get ready, adjusting her shin guards and wrestling with her socks and cleats. We listen to her worries and practice deep breathing together. Each time we ask if she wants to continue playing, her answer is always a resounding “yes.”
We have stood by her through numerous soccer seasons, helping her navigate her anxiety while emphasizing the importance of confronting her fears and being part of a team. We have cheered her on throughout countless matches, offering encouragement even when she takes the field with a worried expression after a challenging play. We’ve witnessed her intense focus and concern as she stands in goal, prepared for action.
While we recognize her anxiety and continue to reassure her, I’m starting to question whether this journey has been beneficial. There are undeniable advantages to participating in team sports, such as building self-esteem, fostering fitness, collaborating towards shared objectives, and cultivating communication skills. I’ve seen my daughter refine her abilities and take pride in her performance, regardless of the outcome. She’s formed lasting friendships and learned the significance of being part of a larger community. These experiences are invaluable, and I’m grateful she has had the opportunity to learn them through sports.
However, we often overlook the potential downsides of team sports for certain children. A survey by the National Alliance for Youth Sports reveals that approximately 70% of kids stop playing sports by age 13 because they no longer find enjoyment in them. Witnessing the toll that anxiety takes on my daughter, I wholeheartedly agree: for some kids, the stress of participation overshadows the fun.
Not every child will thrive in a team environment, and that’s perfectly fine. This doesn’t imply they are spoiled or lack the ability to work collaboratively. For kids like my daughter, who experiences consistent low-level anxiety, the pressures of being part of a competitive team can amplify those feelings, making it difficult to simply enjoy the game.
With soccer now behind her for the season, my daughter is noticeably more cheerful. It’s no surprise that she won’t be joining a team this summer. Instead, she’s heading to sleepaway camp, where she’ll engage in tennis and swimming—individual sports that don’t carry the same level of responsibility. I hope she discovers a passion that brings her joy and presents a challenge without the added anxiety.
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Summary:
This article discusses the challenges some children face in team sports, particularly those who experience anxiety. It highlights the importance of recognizing that not every child thrives in a competitive team environment, as the pressure can diminish their enjoyment of the game. The author shares her personal experiences with her daughter, who has opted for individual sports over team activities to alleviate anxiety and find joy in physical activity.