There are moments that catch me off guard—like when we’re belting out tunes from The Weeknd in the car or sharing outfit ideas before heading out. It happens when she seeks my advice about relationships or teachers, and when we sneak late-night ice cream straight from the tub, giggling as we dig for the fudge chunks. In these moments, I realize I’m building a friendship with my teenager. It’s a gradual change, and honestly, it’s a bit bewildering.
Transitioning from the strict confines of parenting to the cozy familiarity of friendship feels surreal. While I still hold the responsibilities of being her mom, the traditional parent-child boundaries are increasingly blurred as she approaches adulthood. I mean, how can my little girl already be 15? It feels like just yesterday she was spinning around in her princess costume, and now she’s navigating the complexities of life.
My daughter is undeniably moving past her childhood. She prefers hanging out with friends during the weekends, and she’s developed strong views on social issues like feminism and politics. Her face is changing, and she’s starting to wear the grown-up styles she longed for as a tween. Plus, she’s knowledgeable—understanding everything from black holes to managing her social media presence, and advocating for herself at school.
Honestly, spending time with her is enjoyable, much like being with a close friend. However, not everyone believes that being friends with your child is a positive approach. There was a time when I would have dismissed this notion myself. Initially, I couldn’t envision friendship as part of my parenting role. My focus was on nurturing, teaching, and keeping her safe.
The idea of friendship felt like it could undermine my authority as a parent. Would my guidance lose its significance if she saw me as a peer? I firmly believe that part of my role is to establish structure and boundaries while she’s under my roof, and although those boundaries have relaxed as she matures, they remain essential. I still enforce curfews, screen time limits, and bedtimes. She often grumbles about these “rules,” yet I sense she appreciates them deep down—they show I care about her well-being.
This shift towards friendship with my daughter wasn’t something I anticipated, nor does it occur between every parent and child. Our relationship isn’t the same as those I have with my adult friends; we’re not equals. I can’t be the mom who parties with her or tries to act like one of her friends. That’s just not me.
As she grows, though, it’s clear we have more common ground. Navigating this new friendship dynamic alongside my responsibilities as a mother is still a work in progress. What I’ve come to realize is that being a friend involves more than just shared laughs or late-night snacks. It’s about supporting each other through life’s ups and downs, offering unconditional love, and being honest when it matters most. It’s about providing the space and security for her to express herself.
Considering it this way, the roles of friend and mom aren’t so different after all. Perhaps balancing both roles with my teenager isn’t as challenging as I once thought.
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In summary, while I navigate the complexities of forming a friendship with my teenager, I recognize that this relationship can coexist with my responsibilities as a parent. It’s a delicate balance, but one that brings joy and growth for both of us.