My husband is an incredible person in so many ways. He’s an attentive father, a supportive partner, a dedicated employee, and a loyal friend. However, there’s one thing that concerns me: he hasn’t been spending enough time with his friends lately.
As women and mothers, we often highlight the importance of friendships. We relish the joy of girls’ nights out and cheer each other on when we manage to escape for a weekend with friends. Like every other parent, I have a packed schedule filled with school runs, sports practices, and managing sibling rivalries over video games. Some days, I hardly speak to anyone over the age of 10!
Still, I’ve managed to keep my friendships alive. Sure, most of our communication happens through lengthy text threads, and I deeply miss my friends who live far away, but I still feel connected. Working from home allows me to occasionally meet up for lunch or coffee with a friend. I don’t think twice about taking some time for a mani-pedi with a buddy on weekends. My social life might not be overflowing, but I treasure the quality friendships I have.
In contrast, my husband finds himself in a different situation. He is social and well-liked, with a wide circle of friends whom he genuinely misses. While he enjoys engaging with people and making new connections, the demands of work and family life have left little room for socializing. Many of his closest friends live far away, and the friends who are nearby rarely get the chance to see him.
It’s a common issue among parents. A recent article by dad Mark Turner in the local paper resonated with me. Turner described the overwhelming nature of life as a parent: “Every night, I step on a Lego in the dark and think about how I’ve become a cliché of the suburban dad.” His words struck a chord, as they reflect our own chaotic life with kids, a home filled with toys, and the constant race against time.
The reality is that many parents are swamped with responsibilities. Juggling work, kids’ activities, and various obligations often pushes friendships to the back burner. While it’s understandable—after all, kids, partners, and jobs demand our immediate attention—friendships are essential for our well-being.
Research shows that loneliness can have severe health consequences, increasing the risk of serious conditions like heart disease and even shortening lifespan. Yet, many of us think, “I’m too young to worry about that. I’ll make time for friends later.” The truth is, neglecting our friendships now can create long-term impacts.
Men often face unique challenges in maintaining friendships, especially during these busy years. While women might keep in touch through texts or calls, men tend to rely on shared activities to forge and sustain connections. Unfortunately, those opportunities can dwindle as life gets busier.
Turner highlighted this issue well: “In the middle years of life, those moments to get together easily slip away. When you have a break in your schedule, it feels wrong to leave your partner to wrangle the kids alone.” It becomes a cycle of everyone being busy, making it harder to plan get-togethers.
After reading Turner’s article during a recent road trip, I was moved to tears. I realized how much my husband deserves more time with his friends. He is a wonderful person who deserves social connections beyond family obligations.
I suggested he schedule a regular hangout with his friends or join a recreational league—something consistent that he can look forward to. While he nodded in agreement, I sensed the hesitation. He’s often swamped with work and home life, and he worries about leaving me to handle everything alone.
But here’s the thing: I genuinely encourage my husband to spend time with his friends. It makes him happy, and it gives me a chance to unwind with a good book or binge-watch a cheesy show without interruptions. It’s crucial for our kids to see their dad valuing friendships too; it sets a positive example about self-care.
Perhaps a little nudge from me could help him prioritize this aspect of his life. Ultimately, we owe it to ourselves and each other to foster these connections. Encouraging our partners to step out of the house and spend time with friends benefits everyone involved.
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In conclusion, let’s not forget the importance of friendships in our lives. They enrich our experiences and contribute to our overall health. By encouraging our partners to spend time with their friends, we not only help them but also create opportunities for ourselves to connect with others as well.