When we were children, imagining our future careers was a thrilling exercise. “The sky’s the limit,” my teacher would often say. If that were true, I envisioned myself as a singer, using my voice to glorify a higher power. Unfortunately, my vocal talents fell short of that dream.
As I grew older, my aspirations transformed, and societal expectations began to weigh heavily. There’s an awkward phase from the ages of 23 to 35 where instead of being asked what we want to be, everyone feels entitled to tell us what we should be doing—namely, marrying and starting a family.
Two questions I dread the most: “Has he proposed yet?” and “When are you planning to have kids?” I’ve mastered my default answers, but inside, I often feel a mix of frustration and sadness. Who decided that being a wife and mother is the only way to fulfill my life?
These questions can stir a whirlwind of emotions. When my partner finally proposed, I think he was more relieved that the incessant inquiries about our future would quiet down—at least temporarily. Little did we know, a proposal only opened the floodgates for even more questions about when we’d be starting a family, often before we had even set a wedding date!
Why does it seem that everyone is so invested in our personal timeline when it truly has no bearing on their lives? Now that we’re married and have purchased a home—another topic of relentless questioning—people are even more eager to inquire about children. Yes, it’s the next logical step, but escaping this line of questioning feels impossible. Even an innocent photo where the wind blows my shirt awkwardly can ignite a barrage of messages wondering if I’m pregnant.
Holidays can be the worst. I once made a light-hearted comment about a peculiar dish my dad prepared, and I overheard whispers: “Is Sarah expecting?” I had to take a moment alone to regain my composure.
Here’s the reality: We aren’t expecting—at least not yet.
My partner and I faced significant health challenges just months after our wedding. Trust me, I wish I could share that we are actively trying to conceive. On my 27th birthday, just a month after saying “I do,” we decided to start our family journey. We even have an ovulation calendar and a small stash of pregnancy tests ready for use.
But unfortunately, that’s not the whole story. I would need to recount the grueling chemotherapy treatments my partner endured. I watched helplessly as he battled through pain for months, unable to alleviate his suffering. We survived on takeout for weeks because that was the only flavor he could tolerate. I held him as I cried after hearing news of friends’ pregnancies, grappling with the fear that we might not be able to have children.
So when you ask if we’re pregnant yet, this is what runs through my mind. To spare you the sorrowful details, I often respond with, “It’s in God’s hands,” because frankly, that’s where it stands right now.
Next time you’re tempted to ask someone about their family planning, consider refraining. Wait for them to share rather than prying. You never know the struggles they might be facing—be it illness, infertility, or financial difficulties. Ultimately, it’s their journey, not yours, even if you care deeply for them.
For those still navigating the exciting yet brief phase of pre-marriage and child-free life, take this as a heads-up: once you hit 25, it often feels like the world expects you to abandon your dreams in pursuit of a partner and children. Don’t let that pressure dictate your life. Embrace your journey, and everything else will fall into place when it’s meant to.
This article highlights the emotional complexities surrounding family planning and the societal pressures that often accompany it. For those interested in learning more about pregnancy and home insemination, resources like the World Health Organization’s page on pregnancy and intracervical insemination can provide valuable insights. Additionally, for couples looking to navigate their fertility journey, Make A Mom offers authoritative guidance on the topic.
Summary:
This article explores the societal pressures surrounding marriage and family planning, highlighting the emotional toll it can take on individuals facing health challenges or infertility. It encourages readers to respect personal boundaries and understand the complexities of others’ journeys.