Growing up, my mother was anything but conventional. Loud, brash, and sometimes a bit off-color, her advice was often memorable and occasionally inappropriate. Yet, nestled among those vivid memories are some invaluable lessons. One of the most profound teachings she imparted was how to effectively talk about myself.
As a bookish pre-teen who spent countless hours watching Woody Allen films—definitely not your average 11-year-old—I leaned heavily on self-deprecating humor. I thought it was charming, and my friends seemed to enjoy it until my mother shattered that illusion with a stark revelation: “When you constantly put yourself down, people will remember those negative remarks and forget who said them.”
The source? Me. How could they not see I was the one making the jokes? “But I’m just joking,” I protested. “It doesn’t matter,” she retorted. “They won’t recall it was you who said it, nor will they remember it was funny.”
I contemplated her words. Picture this: “Should we invite Laurie to the event? Nah, she gets awkward and anxious at gatherings.” Perhaps she had a point. Then she delivered the kicker: “The same applies to compliments. If you say good things about yourself, people will also forget where it came from.” Fascinating.
Fast forward to my time as an assistant at a media company. I was fielding calls and scheduling meetings, watching writers, actors, and producers walk into my boss’s office and leave with jobs I yearned for. “I’m on the wrong side of this,” I thought. When someone asked what I wanted to pursue, I mentioned writing, but that nobody viewed me that way. He replied, “Just keep asserting that you’re a writer. Eventually, someone who hasn’t even seen your work will give you a shot.”
There it was: my mother’s wisdom echoed once more within those office walls. Of course, it wasn’t enough for my mom to merely suggest it; her words needed validation, much like the time she encouraged me to use an ice cream scoop for muffin batter, which I dismissed until a celebrity chef echoed her advice. “Didn’t I suggest that ages ago?” I could almost hear her saying, and I wish I could hear it now.
Bobby Flay was right, my friend’s advice was spot on, and, of course, it was my mom who had it right first. Within months of declaring myself a writer, I scored my first two paying gigs from people completely unaware of my prior work. “Laurie’s a writer, isn’t she?” You bet she is!
So, take my mother’s wisdom to heart. Avoid telling the world you’re unattractive, unintelligent, or socially awkward. Steer clear of self-deprecating jokes, especially around those who don’t know you well. Instead, without veering into arrogance, share what you excel at or aspire to excel at. People will forget who said it and might just offer you a chance to pursue your passions. And remember, you don’t have to wait for a celebrity to endorse your mother’s advice.
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In short, embrace self-affirmation and let the world know your worth. Your voice matters, and it may just lead you to unexpected opportunities.
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