When my daughters were little, their constant inquiries were charming and delightful. “Why is the ocean salty?” “Why do birds sing?” “Why do we have to wear shoes?” Their questions were innocent and filled with wonder, and I loved answering them.
However, as they transitioned into their tween years, the nature of their questions began to shift, and I found myself feeling increasingly frustrated. “Why do I have to clean my room?” “Why can’t I have my own phone?” “Why do we have to go to bed at 8 PM?” With each question, I could feel my patience wearing thin, and my instinct was to respond with a terse, “Because I said so!”
But is that really the message I want to convey? Should my daughters simply comply without questioning authority? I realize that my role as a parent is to prepare them for the complexities of life. They will undoubtedly encounter situations where they must assert themselves, especially when faced with peer pressure or uncomfortable demands from others. I want them to feel empowered to ask “why” in these moments, even if it means questioning me.
Teaching my daughters to seek explanations fosters an environment where they understand that they deserve to know the reasons behind decisions that affect them. I want them to know that they have the right to say no, to challenge norms, and to advocate for themselves. This philosophy may not be the most conventional, but I believe it’s essential for their growth.
Of course, encouraging this level of inquiry makes parenting more challenging. It’s much simpler to have compliant kids who follow my instructions without question. However, I would rather invest the time and effort into nurturing a relationship built on respect and understanding. I want my daughters to agree to my requests because they see the reasoning behind them, not because they feel intimidated into submission.
When they ask, “Why do I need to wash my hair?” I might feel a twinge of annoyance, but I also feel a sense of pride. I want them to stand up for their own feelings and preferences. The questions they ask now may seem like defiance, but I hope they will evolve into critical thinking, self-respect, and confidence—traits I strive to embody even in my 40s.
You might wonder why I value this approach. The answer is simple: I spent too many years being quiet and compliant, only to realize later that asking questions is a vital part of understanding the world. I want to ensure my daughters don’t waste precious time figuring this out for themselves.
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In summary, as parents, we should encourage our daughters to embrace their curiosity and ask “why” without fear. This fosters independence, critical thinking, and the ability to advocate for themselves in various situations.