It was around 7:30 PM, and I found myself bent over a bathtub filled with two giggling, splashing little girls. Lily, my 2-year-old, decided to spray water at her 7-year-old sister, Mia. In retaliation, Mia grabbed a cup, filled it with water, and sent a splash back at Lily. All the while, I rushed to restore some order, reminding them that bath water is not for drinking—a fact they seem to overlook entirely. At times, when we visit the pediatrician and she asks if my kids are hydrated, I think about those chaotic moments in the tub and confidently respond, “Absolutely.”
My 9-year-old son, Jake, was behind me, engaged in a debate about whether he could brush his teeth for just one minute instead of the recommended two. Every task with him seems to be a negotiation these days. Unfortunately, I didn’t have time for discussions as I wrestled with the water-splashers, who continued to giggle despite my threats of eternal grounding. Meanwhile, my wife, Sarah, was comfortably seated on the couch playing a game on her iPad.
If someone had walked in on that scene—me, flustered and alone, trying to manage the bedtime chaos—they might have mistakenly labeled Sarah as lazy. The truth is, bedtime is her downtime. Until recently, she was the primary caregiver, managing the kids 24/7. Although she has recently taken on a part-time role at their school, she still carries the bulk of the parenting responsibilities. I work multiple jobs and often leave before the kids wake up and return home after they’re in bed.
So, when I am home, I take charge of the bedtime routine, allowing Sarah to unwind for a couple of hours. While it may seem like a small gesture, it’s crucial for our family dynamic. I’m unsure when this routine started—perhaps around six months ago—but it has become a staple in our lives. I’ll admit, getting three kids under 10 ready for bed can feel like wrestling slippery baby seals into pajamas. I often find myself feeling frazzled, rolling my eyes, and negotiating with my kids in a desperate attempt to calm them down. Yet, amidst the chaos, I realize that this time spent with them is the most fulfilling part of my day.
To clarify, going to work and providing for my family is also an essential part of fatherhood. In today’s world, financial demands are high, especially with three kids, which often means long hours away from home. However, having that dedicated time in the evening to fully engage as a dad is incredibly important to me.
Some of my fondest memories with my children occur during our nightly routine. As I crawl down the hallway with my middle daughter, Emma, pretending to be a horse, she tosses a blanket over my back and affectionately calls me a “good daddy-horse.” And let me tell you, when a little girl gives you that compliment, you can’t help but play along and let out your best neigh. Afterward, I head back down the hall to check on my youngest, who insists on a warm hug before settling down for the night. I cherish those moments.
Admittedly, when I reflect on our evening chaos, it often feels more disordered than described. Bedtime is filled with shouts, playful wrestling, and the occasional ultimatum. Yet, it’s in those moments that I find warmth in my heart. Much of parenting unfolds in hindsight, revealing its beauty after the fact.
Most importantly, my involvement in putting the kids to bed gives Sarah a well-deserved break. Being the primary caregiver for three children is not a single job; it encompasses countless roles: chef, chauffeur, schedule manager, and more. It offers little opportunity for breaks or downtime. Every mom deserves time to relax without being pulled in different directions, and that’s what she gets while I handle bedtime.
I know many families operate on a similar schedule, where dads take charge of the bedtime routine, allowing moms a much-needed respite. This arrangement fosters appreciation for the stay-at-home parent while enabling the working parent to bond with the children.
To the fathers reading this, especially those who may feel overwhelmed by the demands of work and family, I want to emphasize that those moments with your children, no matter how exhausting they may seem, are profoundly rewarding. Although I often yearn for a break after a long day, I find immense value in the time spent tucking my kids into bed. Their laughter, silly antics, and moments of frustration become cherished memories that linger in my heart. So tonight, consider giving your partner a break and take over the bedtime routine.
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In summary, dads stepping in for bedtime routines not only provides moms with a chance to relax but also allows fathers to forge meaningful connections with their children. These moments, albeit chaotic, are the fabric of parenting that creates lasting memories.