During a recent weekend with friends, one of the moms, Sarah, casually mentioned that her teenage children prepared their own breakfast. I’d say she confessed, but it was clear she felt no shame or regret about this choice. This revelation turned into a lively debate, with varying opinions on her parenting style. Many friends were aghast: how could she let her children fend for themselves in the morning? (gasp) Especially since she wasn’t even rushing off to work! (another gasp) What was she doing while they were cooking? (Answer: enjoying a moment of peace with her coffee and reading the news.)
I started to question why we were judging her at all. We’ve known each other for ages and understood that she was a great mom raising excellent kids. Her philosophy was simple: she wanted to instill independence and self-reliance in them, ensuring they grew up to be resilient rather than entitled. After all, why couldn’t they pour their own cereal or whip up some eggs? It was a task they were perfectly capable of handling. Still, the judgment lingered, particularly since she was a stay-at-home mom. Wasn’t it her duty to cater to them?
As a mom of three kids aged 6, 8, and 9, I also encourage my children to pitch in around the house. They tidy their rooms, clear their plates, and even tackle their own laundry (though it’s not always the neatest job). So, I wasn’t one of those who was horrified.
Reflecting on my past, I can’t deny that I’ve often looked down on my stay-at-home mom friends. I distinctly remember countless girls’ nights where they vented about the challenges of their daily routines—driving kids to activities, juggling homework, and the endless to-do lists. As I listened, I’d think to myself, “I manage all of that while working full-time. What do you have to complain about?” I was operating on long hours, fitting in conference calls in between school drop-offs and pickups. It felt frustrating that they seemed to think their challenges were greater when they only had one job compared to my two.
Then life turned a corner for me: I became a stay-at-home mom myself. A few months ago, I left my job due to health concerns, and now my days are filled with only my dog’s company from 8 a.m. to 3 p.m. Surprisingly, I’ve found a multitude of ways to keep busy.
To my friends whom I silently judged, I understand now. I apologize. The hours slip away quickly with chores, laundry, doctor visits, and school volunteering—it’s a full schedule. I often wonder how I managed to do all this while working; it’s a blur now. I’ve realized that being “just a stay-at-home mom” can be equally exhausting and rewarding. I cherish sending my kids off to the bus each morning and welcoming them back at the end of the day, picking up on their moods from the heft of their backpacks.
Now, my role encompasses being homework monitor, snack provider, and chauffeur. I’d like to clarify some misconceptions (mostly spread by my kids) about stay-at-home moms: I do not spend my days binge-watching shows on their iPads, nor do I nap all day long. And as far as I know, bonbons are no longer a thing.
I feel fortunate to have experienced both worlds—having a fulfilling career and now being present at home. I appreciate the time to focus on my health and family. Nevertheless, I still miss my job and the satisfaction it brought me. There are days I long for the routine of dressing for work, although I must admit yoga pants have their own comfort appeal.
Ultimately, whether I’m working or at home, I remain an imperfect mom. Some days are fantastic—like when the sun finally shone through our dreary winter, and the kids played outside for hours without screens, while I prepared healthy snacks and bedtime went smoothly, with lots of cuddles and stories. But then there are days when my youngest bursts into tears over a minor issue, and the healthy snacks disappear too quickly, making way for Oreos.
Now that I’ve walked in both shoes, I can honestly say that it doesn’t matter whether we work outside the home or stay at home; we’re all just doing our best. Most of us feel like we’re fumbling more than we ever anticipated. Instead of believing the grass is greener on the other side, let’s support one another and stop the judgment.
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In summary, transitioning from working to being a stay-at-home mom has opened my eyes to the complexities of parenting, and it’s vital to embrace and support all forms of motherhood.