As we celebrate the 100th day of kindergarten, those endearing and sometimes comical photos of our children seem to flood social media. First grade is looming ahead, and the pressure to prepare them intensifies.
My son, Ethan, is enrolled in a Montessori program but also receives speech and occupational therapy three times a week at a nearby public school. Recently, the occupational therapist expressed her frustration when she suggested that he should be composing sentences by now. “What has he been doing at that other school?” she queried, clearly annoyed.
My friend, who has a son in public kindergarten, received a note from their teacher stating, “He doesn’t recognize any sight words.” I must admit, I hadn’t even heard the term “sight word” until recently. While memorizing words may bolster test scores, I can’t help but wonder what has happened to teaching phonics and encouraging kids to sound out words. I read an intriguing article highlighting Finland’s educational success, where formal reading and writing instruction doesn’t start until age 7. Instead, they emphasize play, outdoor exploration, and practical life skills. Forcing active boys to sit still and focus on reading and writing for extended periods seems contrary to their natural instincts.
Reflecting on my own school experience, I was the model student, thriving from kindergarten through college. In stark contrast, my younger brother had a very different experience. His third-grade teacher had him sit next to her, deemed a “seat of shame,” throughout the year. Today, he holds two master’s degrees and earns a significantly higher income than I do.
When Ethan was 15 months old and still not walking, my husband reassured me, reminding me that he wouldn’t be scooting into kindergarten. I know my son will read and succeed; he will simply do it on his own timeline.
Yet, in America, it seems we often compete over our children’s IQ scores and reading levels, creating unnecessary pressure. Why are we engaging in this competition? Instead, we should uplift one another, recognizing and celebrating each child’s unique strengths.
I did have Ethan’s IQ evaluated, hoping for insights into some challenges he has faced. The night before the assessment, I lay awake dreaming of a brilliant score. My instinctive “mama bear” was ready to declare, “See! He’s a genius!” However, the results were inconclusive. He refused to engage with many sections of the test and even ran out of the room in tears. While he shined in puzzles and math, he playfully evaded questions about vocabulary, responding with a grin, “I’ve never heard that word in my life.”
To further support him, we recently brought in a behavioral coach a few days a week. Initially, I hesitated, but having an in-class advocate has been transformative. This coach doesn’t punish Ethan; instead, she removes privileges and allows him to earn them back through positive behavior. This approach has yielded remarkable results compared to the negative reinforcement I had been using.
Rather than discussing test scores or comparing children’s abilities, let’s focus on what they are actually learning. My 6 ½-year-old may be struggling with literacy and speech, but he is gaining a profound understanding of the world around him. He may not be able to spell “Venezuela,” but he can tell you fascinating facts about it. Recently, this shy, sometimes socially awkward boy got on stage and sang two songs in Spanish before an audience!
Ethan excels at climbing trees and is deeply engaged in math, science, and engineering—a clear testament to his individuality. Above all, I am proud that he is learning kindness, empathy, and how to connect with others, regardless of their backgrounds. That, to me, is a significant achievement worth celebrating.
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In summary, let’s shift our focus from unrealistic expectations and comparisons to celebrating our children’s unique journeys and the valuable lessons they are learning.