I cherish being your mom because even the toughest days turn out to be the most rewarding.
It feels like just yesterday when I welcomed you into the world, yet it has been two years since that momentous day. I distinctly recall the second night at the hospital. Your father had to leave to tuck your older sibling into bed, staying as long as he could. My own mother took his place, settling down on the uncomfortable sofa in our room to catch some sleep. While she dozed, I remained wide awake, just like you, my precious newborn.
I found myself lying on that lumpy hospital bed, partly reclined and filled with doubt. Had I made the right choice? Could I endure years of restless nights? Would I be able to manage two little ones when your dad returned to work? Was I capable of being a good mother? The answer to these questions felt like a resounding “no.”
The truth is, motherhood is challenging. I often found myself calling your father at work, tears streaming down my face, overwhelmed by my own imperfections as a person and as a mom. But I soon learned that I had not made a mistake.
Now, as I look at you at age two, I understand why people say, “This too shall pass,” or “Don’t be the first to let go when your child hugs you.” I realize that while I might not be the perfect mother, I am the one you have.
There are times when I’m not completely captivated by you, wishing instead for a moment of peace with my phone. Yet, I wouldn’t trade these days, even the challenging ones, for anything else.
Every evening, as bedtime approaches, I am reminded of the day’s fleeting moments. I think about times I could have engaged more, moments I should have reacted differently, or when I let my own thoughts overshadow yours. It pains me to acknowledge these instances. It’s not that I regret wanting bedtime to come sooner or craving solitude on the couch; rather, it’s the realization that these moments accumulate, and I witness you growing up, needing me less each day.
What hurts is knowing that as you cling to me now, it won’t last forever. One day, you will choose how much time you want to spend with me, and I hope you feel the depth of my love for you, despite my shortcomings.
I remember the day you arrived as if it were yesterday; yet it was two years ago. Soon, it will be twenty. I’ll find myself reminiscing about your baby days instead of holding your tiny hand.
Being your mother is both the hardest and most fulfilling experience of my life. Every time I see your bright blue eyes twinkle or your brow furrow in anger, I am reminded that despite the many mistakes I will make, my greatest correction has always been you.
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In summary, being a mom means facing challenges head-on, embracing the beauty of the journey, and cherishing the fleeting moments with your child, no matter how difficult they may sometimes feel.