Dear Beloved Daughter,
I wish you’d stop removing the photo of yourself that I’ve placed on the refrigerator. It’s become a bit of a tug-of-war between us over the last few weeks. I hang it up, you take it down. I find it hidden beneath the clutter, and then it magically reappears in a new hiding spot – perhaps buried in junk mail or tucked away in a magazine on the counter.
This cycle has to end, Sweetheart.
I understand that you aren’t fond of photos. You scrutinize every image, often with a frown. I notice how you pose for your phone, capturing moments only to delete them almost instantly, trying again and again to perfect the image staring back at you. I can only imagine the thoughts swirling in your head about your appearance.
You’re self-conscious about your new braces, your hair’s unpredictable curls in humid weather, and your height. Photographs seem to highlight the flaws you wish to hide. I remember my own teenage struggles, worrying that my bangs weren’t big enough to mask my forehead and feeling like my straight hair refused to hold a curl, no matter how hard I tried. At 14, I considered photos my adversaries, too.
You know better than to voice negative thoughts about yourself; you’ve heard the long, tedious lectures about self-love and acceptance so often that you probably tune them out. I’m guessing that’s why you haven’t directly asked me to remove the picture – you anticipate my response.
But you’re mistaken.
I don’t keep putting that picture back up because I want you to like how you look in it. That would be nice, but let’s be honest: the woman writing to you once rejected over 25 proofs of her own high school graduation photo. I understand that expecting a teenage girl to appreciate a photo of herself is a tall order.
I place it back because it captures a moment of pure joy – you and your brother laughing together. You were completely unaware as I snapped the photo, engrossed in play with a glowing ball while watching TV. That snapshot reminds me of the carefree girl you used to be, filled with laughter and unconcerned about how others perceived her.
I chose that picture for the fridge because it reflects the person you’re becoming. You sit tall and confident, your posture relaxed, independent amidst our bustling family life. I see the young woman who willingly helps with chores and expresses gratitude without being reminded. I see you lingering at family dinners, engaging with adults long after the younger kids have drifted off to play.
This picture encapsulates you in this transitional phase of life, straddling the line between girlhood and womanhood. Days pass in a blur, often overshadowed by our busy schedules and responsibilities. Your siblings vie for my attention, and when I finally focus on you, it sometimes feels as if I’ve missed months in your growth. Yet that photo brings clarity.
I put it back because the fridge feels incomplete without your image. Every time I reach for milk, I notice your absence. It’s a reminder of the little girl who, not long ago, would stomp through the house in her soccer cleats or borrow my hair ties. That photo helps me hold onto those moments, preserving them in the midst of our chaotic, beautiful family life. Without you, our story wouldn’t be the same.
So please, stop taking it down.
With love,
Mom
P.S. You are beautiful, smart, funny, and incredibly important to me. I could go on, but I know I’m embarrassing you. Just remember that it’s all true, Darling.
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In conclusion, my dear daughter, always remember that you are more than your insecurities. You are a remarkable young woman with so much to offer the world. Embrace that!