When I announced my engagement, a colleague exclaimed, “I’m thrilled you’ve found your soulmate!” The term left me momentarily perplexed. I couldn’t quite reconcile the idea of “soulmates” with my fiancé’s face. A nagging thought crept in: What if there was a true soulmate out there for me, and instead, I was settling for someone I didn’t feel that connection with? It sent me into a bit of a tailspin.
For several days, I felt off. My fiancé, Jake, sensed my unease but I brushed it aside. I began to nitpick his every quirk—like the way he slurped his coffee or his goofy laugh—confirming my worst fears. Was I really marrying the wrong person?
But how do we determine if our partner is indeed a soulmate? Is it about never arguing or always being content? Do we expect hearts and flowers, or the cinematic slow-motion moments when we gaze into each other’s eyes? If you’ve experienced those things, consider yourself lucky; most of us don’t. Despite the doubts triggered by my colleague’s comment, I went ahead and married Jake. Four years later, do I still think he’s my soulmate? No, and that’s perfectly fine.
Our relationship is built on a solid connection. It isn’t overly romantic—most of our discussions revolve around practical matters like grocery shopping and meal planning. If you’re married, you probably know exactly what I mean. It’s not that the spark has faded; it’s simply a choice to prioritize practicality over constant romance.
Expecting your marriage to be a whirlwind of excitement could lead to disappointment. Most of the “fireworks” tend to happen in the kitchen rather than in grand romantic gestures. That’s not to say there isn’t chemistry between us; it’s just that marriage introduces a different kind of dynamic.
Love isn’t a textbook affair. You won’t always have the right words or actions. You’ll make mistakes, irritate each other, and yet choose to stay together. No one is a perfect match, and your partner might even be happier with someone else. But they choose you—not because you’re soulmates, but because of who you are.
So, why am I still with Jake if I don’t consider him my soulmate? It’s the little things: him grabbing an apple for me when I skip breakfast, tiptoeing around so I can sleep, or cooking when I’m too tired to do it myself. These gestures may not sound like the stuff of fairy tales, but they are the essence of partnership.
What do I need more: romantic roses or someone who can help me tidy the house? Sweet nothings won’t help when I could really use a hand. True relationships thrive on laughter and acceptance of each other’s flaws. Can you let go of inhibitions and be yourself, even in your old pajamas? That’s what I value in my relationship with Jake. He may not write me poetry, but he makes me laugh, and that’s just as precious.
The idea of soulmates is overly romanticized. Life isn’t about waiting for a perfect fairytale ending; it’s about embracing the imperfections, working through the challenges, and finding joy in the mundane. Romance can be overrated, while comfort and companionship often take a backseat.
This is why I believe the idea of soulmates is fundamentally flawed.
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In summary, while the notion of soulmates is enchanting, real relationships are built on partnership, understanding, and mutual support. True love is about navigating life together, not just chasing a perfect ideal.