As I sat there, I watched my daughter, Mia, struggle with a simple question. “What’s your birthday?” she hesitated, giving an incorrect answer. Maybe attending this event was a mistake. The night before, she had expressed her worries about going to Birthday Book Club, voicing her dislike for the morning rush. I tried to reassure her: “It won’t disrupt our routine; we’ll just drive to school instead of taking the bus.” Yet, she remained anxious, already feeling the weight of the upcoming change twelve hours in advance. I completely related to her feelings.
For as long as I can remember, I’ve battled anxiety. Reflecting on my life, I’m unsure if these feelings—anger, hesitation, frustration, and fear—have always been present or if they developed over time. I was oblivious to the fact that I was grappling with Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD). My physical symptoms, like stomachaches and headaches, and my tendency to withdraw socially were just part of who I thought I was. I didn’t realize my heightened sensitivities to sounds, emotions, and overwhelming situations set me apart from others. This lack of understanding left me with a diminished self-image.
Now, I find myself questioning if Mia has GAD or if she’s simply a Highly Sensitive Person. The weight of her struggles feels heavy on my shoulders, and I can’t help but feel responsible for her unease. However, amid my guilt, I find solace in recognizing her feelings. I wish I could ease her anxiety, but I am grateful that I can provide her with coping tools, ensuring that whether she faces anxiety or just the challenges of being sensitive, she will not have to bear her burdens alone.
After we corrected the volunteer about her birthday and placed her name sticker on the front page of the book, Mia chose a seat close to the librarian, overwhelmed and unable to seek a better spot. When I suggested we leave for her classroom, she agreed. As we approached the backpacks near the library entrance, the tardy bell rang. Mia froze, filled with worry. I reminded her that the librarian assured us nobody in Birthday Book Club would be marked tardy, but she remained unconvinced.
Taking her hands in mine, I looked into her eyes and encouraged her to breathe. Together, we took deep breaths. Then she hugged me tightly, her little arms wrapping around my waist. After a heartfelt goodbye, she hurried down the long hallway. I stood there, hoping to absorb her anxiety and carry it for her.
Navigating motherhood as someone with GAD and being a Highly Sensitive Person can be quite challenging. I often sense my daughters’ emotions before they do. My aspiration is to be strong enough to support them when they need it, while also being perceptive enough to recognize when they require help, even before they ask.
Parenting is hard for me, and I can only imagine how much tougher it will be for Mia. But I’ve learned that we don’t get to choose our burdens; we only choose how to carry them. If you’re looking for more insights on this topic, check out this related post on our blog about anxiety and parenting.
In summary, understanding the complexities of anxiety—whether it’s inherited or simply a part of one’s personality—can empower parents to support their children better. As we navigate these challenges, it’s essential to arm ourselves with knowledge and resources. For instance, if you’re exploring at-home insemination options, a great place to start is with reputable retailers like Make a Mom, which offers various kits. And for a deeper dive into treatments, you can find useful information in this resource on IUI.
Leave a Reply