When I reflect on my childhood, my father was often preoccupied with his work. As a restaurant owner, he dedicated most of his time to his business, leaving little room for family moments. Whenever he was home, he was either resting or glued to the news. Even weekends and holidays were largely spent at work. While we knew he cared deeply for us, my mother was the one who provided the daily nurturing we needed. She handled meals, chores, and took us to activities, often inviting us to snuggle in bed with her at night.
I recall a moment from when I was about 9 years old. My dad picked me up from a friend’s house, and I felt a peculiar sense of unfamiliarity being alone with him in the car. Fast forward to today, and my partner, although much more engaged than my father, still puts in over 60 hours a week at work while I care for our children at home. This experience with traditional gender dynamics led me to comment “Impressive!” on a photo shared by parenting blogger Mike Does Parenting on Instagram, showcasing him vacuuming while carrying his infant in a carrier. His response, “Nah, just dad,” got me thinking about our possibly outdated expectations of fathers.
Not long after, I encountered another image shared by parenting influencer Dad of the Year on Facebook, showing him deftly navigating a grocery store with a full cart and a stroller carrying twin babies. He captioned it, “Just me and the girls at the store — heads were turning. They had never seen anyone maneuver a cart and stroller with such finesse.” In the comments, he noted that his wife receives scrutiny about their daughters’ attire, while he is simply praised for being a dad.
Many fathers echo similar sentiments. They find that their efforts often receive recognition when they engage in activities that go unnoticed when done by mothers. One dad remarked that people frequently compliment him on his parenting when he’s out with his child, and he feels a pang of frustration, thinking, “No, I’m just being a father.” While these compliments may seem harmless, they can sometimes feel patronizing.
While I genuinely admire fathers who contribute to parenting tasks like diaper changing or solo outings with their kids, I understand why some might find these compliments a bit offensive. It can imply that society holds lower expectations for fathers. Acknowledging a mother’s skills in cooking or math, for example, can unintentionally suggest that such tasks are outside the norm for men.
I don’t doubt men’s capabilities; it’s just that I rarely witness them in action within my own circles. My partner is exceptionally loving, yet, due to the roles we’ve adopted, I often find myself taking charge in everyday tasks like meal prep and finding lost items.
Men tackling household chores genuinely impress me, not because I doubt their skills, but because they are breaking new ground. They are stepping up to redefine traditional roles and are striving for a more balanced approach to work and home life. I compliment fathers not out of surprise, but out of admiration for their progressive efforts.
While we should certainly challenge the stereotypes that depict men as clueless and women as naturally skilled, it’s essential to keep acknowledging the contributions of both parents. We must stop treating a father’s time spent with children as “babysitting,” as parenting is a shared responsibility, not a favor to mothers.
Rather than diminishing standards for mothers or raising them for fathers, let’s celebrate the everyday contributions of all parents. Whether it’s changing diapers, responding to cries, or spending hours at the playground, these efforts are commendable, no matter how routine they may seem.
We should encourage equal recognition for both genders, dismantling the intense pressures placed on mothers while normalizing the presence of fathers in parenting. It’s crucial to foster an environment where everyone is seen as equally capable and engaged in parenting. A simple acknowledgment, “You’re such a good parent!” should be extended to anyone nurturing their children.
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In summary, it’s vital to recognize and appreciate the efforts of fathers in parenting roles. By doing so, we can foster a more equitable environment for all parents, breaking down outdated stereotypes and encouraging shared responsibilities.