Hello, Wonderful Moms,
I’ve been eager to connect with all of you about some pressing concerns regarding our daughters. From app usage to discussions on sensitive topics like sexuality, from academic pressures to strategies for shielding them from societal expectations in middle school, there’s so much we can share. However, what weighs most heavily on my mind right now is the nature of their friendships and how they treat one another.
This is a challenging time for our girls, one that has been persistently difficult for women and girls alike. We thought progress was being made, but many issues remain unresolved. While we can take action through marches, social media advocacy, and supporting organizations like Planned Parenthood, we must also begin this important work within our own families.
Our daughters shine brightly; they are compassionate, spirited, and hilarious. Yet, as they navigate the complexities of adolescence, they sometimes struggle to support one another. This isn’t entirely their fault; it’s indicative of the environment we’ve created. They lack the tools to foster healthy relationships.
On the playground, I’ve noticed how easily a small interaction can lead to exclusion. One girl dares to engage with another, and soon, a group forms that tells her she’s not welcome. The cycle of inclusion and exclusion is subtle but pervasive. This isn’t a new phenomenon; I experienced similar dynamics in my youth. I remember how difficult it felt to find my place, often feeling like an outsider.
Reflecting on my own experiences, I recall a moment in sixth grade when our teacher, Ms. Richards, intervened during a conflict among my friends. She gathered us together to talk things through, allowing us to express our feelings and ultimately find solidarity. That moment taught me the invaluable lesson: we are stronger together. Ms. Richards exemplified the adult support our girls need, guiding us back toward unity.
Yet, we still see the same patterns emerge today. To advance, we often undermine one another, and our daughters are mirroring this behavior. We must combat the exclusivity that has long characterized female relationships, teaching them that true strength lies in collaboration and kindness, not competition.
I recently revisited the insightful book, “Reviving Ophelia: Saving the Selves of Adolescent Girls” by Dr. Mary Pipher. I first encountered it as a college freshman, knowing that when I became a mother, I would return to it. Dr. Pipher highlights how girls often lose their sense of self, prioritizing the approval of others over their own identities. They need each other now more than ever; we must encourage them to embrace differences and support one another.
How Can We Foster Kindness and Compassion?
One approach could involve creating a supportive community among us moms. Perhaps we can form an online group to share resources and discuss challenges we face with our girls. We could also consider hosting a mother-daughter workshop to address the importance of inclusivity and empathy in friendships. Additionally, we might invite a school counselor to guide discussions on the impact of competition and judgment among girls.
While it may seem daunting, we must remind our girls daily of the significance of kindness and strength. They should feel empowered to stand up against exclusion and support each other. Let’s encourage them to share their feelings openly and reject the notion that they must compete for friendship.
Let’s collaborate to pave a better path for our daughters. Together, we can cultivate friendships that are rooted in loyalty and support.
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In summary, we have the power to influence our daughters’ friendships positively. By fostering open conversations and creating supportive environments, we can help them navigate the complexities of their relationships. Let’s take the steps needed to build a community of kindness and strength.