It was around the time my daughter, Lily, turned two and a half when she first expressed her independence with the words, “I no want that.” I was preparing her for a family gathering and excitedly presented a delightful dress for her to wear. Our exchange went like this: Lily, tugging at the dress with a determined shake of her head, declared, “I no want that.”
Taken aback, I asked, “What do you mean you don’t want it? This dress is adorable!” It truly was—a vibrant corduroy dress adorned with playful animals and bright pink accents. What’s not to love?
But there it was again, “I no want that.” After a moment of contemplation, I took a step back mentally and allowed her to choose. While her selection leaned more toward casual playwear than formal attire, she wore it with joy, and that was what mattered most.
Children, even at a tender age, possess a sense of self and distinct preferences. These may not align with our tastes, but who am I to dictate their choices? As parents, we often become entangled in our worries about how others perceive us and our children. But as adults, we know that the opinions of others should not dictate our self-worth. However, for our children, it can be a different story, and they may grapple with these concerns.
A family member once recounted a moment when her young son chose to wear a sparkly headband meant for his sister to preschool. She suggested he might prefer to carry it instead, but he confidently opted to wear it. Her response? A warm hug and well-wishes for a fun day. Similarly, my daughter often chooses mismatched socks—by her own design. And my son once requested bright yellow nail polish for his nails, opting to wear it to daycare. I suggested he save it for the weekend, but he insisted on wearing it during the week. I supported his choice and sent him off, wishing him a joyful day.
By endorsing their choices, we send a powerful message: they are loved unconditionally. It reinforces that their decisions matter, affirming their worth, regardless of whether they sport pink headbands, yellow nails, or mismatched attire.
But what message do we convey when we say no? While I can’t pinpoint exactly what those kids experienced, I believe they each learned valuable lessons. The boy may have discovered courage; my daughter might have understood what it feels like to stand out; and my son might have learned to navigate both embarrassment and praise.
What I do know is they learned they have the autonomy to make choices and, regardless of the outcomes, they have a safe refuge in their parents’ unwavering love. Embracing their individuality, celebrating their choices, and supporting them through every unconventional outfit, every splash of nail polish, and every quirky accessory is essential.
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Summary
Encouraging young children to make their own choices fosters independence and self-expression. By supporting their decisions, parents demonstrate unconditional love and acceptance, helping children learn valuable life lessons about courage and individuality.