In our household, emotions run deep and vivid. It’s a dynamic that isn’t entirely unusual, but it can be overwhelming when we all experience strong feelings simultaneously or cycle through a range of them in a single day. Lately, my emotional landscape has felt particularly tumultuous, likely due to a mix of recovering from pregnancy, managing three energetic toddlers, and the general fatigue that comes with parenting. There’s no straightforward solution to this—it’s a complex interplay of factors that has prompted me to reflect on how I handle my own emotions.
I have a tendency to become angry quickly, often resorting to yelling—a trait I’m not particularly proud of. When I feel hurt, I tend to withdraw and silence myself. The daily chaos can easily trigger stress, making it challenging for me to recognize that I can alleviate it by simply saying “no” or adjusting my plans.
Watching my 2-year-old throw a fit and scream at the top of his lungs, I realize that I can’t simply wish my feelings away. Yet, I often find myself telling my children to “calm down” or “change your mood,” without equipping them with the necessary skills to manage their reactions. I feel justified in my anger, grappling with disappointment and frustration. I can articulate those emotions, but my children often lack the vocabulary or understanding to do the same.
Emotions are complex and can manifest in many ways. Just like us, our children grapple with intense feelings in their tiny bodies. The key difference is their developing minds and limited life experiences. Isn’t it my responsibility as a parent to guide them through these feelings, helping them understand and articulate what they’re experiencing? It’s crucial to model self-control and healthy emotional responses, even if it makes motherhood feel more challenging.
Recently, during a conversation with a friend named Lisa, she expressed her confusion about the value of feeling anger if it doesn’t change the past or influence the future. I, too, often avoid confronting my emotions, fearing the chaos they might unleash. Unlike adults, children embrace their feelings wholeheartedly, drawing us into their emotional whirlwind.
I frequently suppress my emotions, feeling like a burden. It’s tempting to discipline my children’s emotional responses without allowing them the space to feel and process their feelings. However, emotions are not shameful or wrong; they are an inherent part of being human. The problem lies not in feeling but in how we react to those feelings. I can express my anger to my partner in a constructive way, or I can resort to the silent treatment, which is less productive.
In our home, we have designated spaces where my kids can express their feelings freely—whether it’s screaming on the couch or kicking their stuffed animals in their room. I have my own space where I sometimes find solace in quiet reflection, tears, or prayer. We take the time to slow down, name the emotions we’re feeling, and discuss why we’re experiencing them. This isn’t about erasing those feelings; it’s about growth and learning to navigate the full spectrum of emotions, including joy, sadness, and anger.
I want my children to develop a healthy understanding of their emotions. By embracing their feelings, they can learn to shape their world rather than be shaped by it.
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In summary, allowing children to express their anger through physical outlets like kicking and screaming is essential for their emotional growth. By modeling healthy reactions and helping them articulate their feelings, we equip them for a future where they can navigate their emotions constructively.