While out for a leisurely shopping trip with friends, I received a phone call from my husband, Jake, who sounded utterly exhausted. “Last night, I was so worn out I basically fell asleep and didn’t even shift position,” he said. I could hear the fatigue in his voice as I browsed through a quirky boutique across state lines.
“Sounds like you had a busy day. What did you do?” I replied, only half-listening as I rifled through a rack of shoes.
“I took the kids out on their bikes, and even though I wanted to get home for lunch, I got so hungry that we ended up eating out instead.”
My interest piqued; he had never taken all three of our kids—aged 3, 5, and 6—out to eat by himself before. “How did that go?” I asked, a hint of smugness creeping in. Part of me was eager to hear about this monumental task, not because I doubted his abilities, but because I wanted him to feel the challenge of managing three kids in public. Maybe then he would understand why I sometimes felt overwhelmed when he was late or wanted to go out with his friends.
“It was pretty packed, but there were so many kind women around. Our waitress brought us crackers right away and stayed with Mia and Noah while I took Ava to the restroom.”
As he continued talking, I listened to him rave about all the compliments he received from the other diners, how the kids’ meals were expedited, and how one woman even gifted him a discount coupon. Honestly, I half-expected him to tell me he received a round of applause as they left the restaurant.
While I was genuinely pleased that they had a nice outing and my kids behaved well, I couldn’t help but feel a twinge of irritation towards those women. I understood they were trying to be supportive, likely because they had faced similar challenges, but their actions inadvertently implied that Jake needed assistance simply because he was a man with children. He was not some extraordinary figure for spending quality time with his kids on a Saturday afternoon.
I’ve taken our kids out to eat numerous times without receiving such accolades or even a simple acknowledgment. This double standard is frustrating. Society tends to shower praise on fathers for doing what is expected of them, while mothers quietly shoulder the same responsibilities, often without any recognition. Our children absorb these messages, learning that fathers require help, while mothers are expected to manage alone. I have no doubt our kids noticed the extra attention Jake received, especially when they began asking why so many people helped their dad that day.
It’s charming to see a father alone with his kids, and yes, it can be attractive. However, this doesn’t mean he should be treated as if he’s performing some heroic act. Just like mothers, fathers are perfectly capable of parenting solo. We should stop undermining their abilities and treating them differently than we would a mother. Both parents can navigate public outings with children, and in my experience, they often do an excellent job.
Further Reading
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Conclusion
In summary, let’s move past the notion that fathers need special treatment for simply being present with their children. They are just as capable as mothers, and it’s time we recognize that without unnecessary praise or assistance.