When I learned I was expecting, I anticipated a journey full of surprises—not only because it was my first child but also due to the fact that my baby would be of mixed heritage. Despite our society’s progressive self-image, it still astonishes many to see children of mixed race.
Research shows that the number of individuals identifying as mixed race has been increasing since the 1970s. I was aware that my child might be part white, and while that didn’t concern me, I was unprepared for the bizarre comments that people would make. It seems that when it comes to children, some individuals abandon common decency. The remarks I’ve received since becoming a parent are often shocking, but those directed at my child are sometimes laughable.
To give you an idea, my son has a very fair complexion. If you saw him without me, you might not even guess he has Black heritage. As he’s grown, he has darkened a bit, but his features still strongly reflect his white ancestry. I’ve come to accept that he doesn’t look quite like what we imagined, which has led to some interesting interactions.
Once, when he was an infant, a white friend and I took him out, and people consistently directed their questions to her, completely overlooking me. She would just point out that I was his mother, leaving them confused. On another occasion at a fast-food restaurant, a cashier peered into his carrier and exclaimed, “Is he yours?” When I affirmed this, she responded, “But he’s so white!” I simply replied, “He looks like his dad.”
This has become my standard response, as I’ve encountered a variety of questions and comments—some even crossing the line into offensive territory. More often than not, I hear, “Are you really his mom?” Sometimes, I feel tempted to say I’m just his babysitter for a laugh. I reached out to other mixed-race parents to gather their experiences, and here’s what they shared:
- Mia, who has children aged 14 and 17, recalls, “Oh, they always seem so exotic to me!”
- Jason, father to two boys aged 8 and 5, frequently finds himself explaining recessive genes to those questioning, “Where did they get that curly hair?!”
- Lila, mom to a 3-year-old girl, often hears, “Mixed kids are just so attractive.”
- Kim, with children aged 20, 18, 15, and a newborn, receives comments from her family like “They look so light!” while her in-laws often say, “I wish I had that skin tone year-round.” The color of their children’s skin has become a frequent topic at family gatherings.
- Emma, whose kids are 4 and 2, has heard remarks suggesting that mixed-race children symbolize a hopeful future where race becomes irrelevant. While she understands the sentiment, she finds it misguided.
- Sarah, mother to a 3-year-old, was taken aback when someone said, “Did he just call you Mom?!”
- Lily, with toddlers aged 3 and 1, often faces questions about which side of the family her kids prefer.
- Ross, dad to twins aged 3, has been told, “They definitely have great hair!”
- Jenna, mom to a 6-year-old, was once complimented with, “How wonderful that you adopted him!”
- Claire, with a son aged 5, has heard people say, “He’s not too dark, right?”
We recognize that our families might not conform to traditional norms, but it’s essential to engage with us respectfully. Curiosity is natural, but I would never comment on someone’s appearance in a way that could be perceived as offensive. Our children are not extraordinary or more beautiful simply because of their mixed heritage; they are just kids, and we are just parents.
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Summary
Mixed-race parents often face a barrage of bewildering comments about their children’s appearances and backgrounds. While curiosity is natural, it’s crucial to approach these families with respect and understanding rather than perpetuating stereotypes or making assumptions. Our children are unique, but not for the reasons some might think; they are simply children, deserving of the same respect as any other.