On the day following Christmas, I found myself in the attic with my 7-year-old daughter, Mia, as we hammered down plywood to create some much-needed storage. The attic was dimly lit and chilly, and we both donned headlamps. Dust danced in the air as we had to tread carefully over the exposed beams and sheetrock below. One misstep could easily send us tumbling into the garage. Mia, dressed in a cozy purple coat with a faux-fur-lined hood, a color-changing Frozen T-shirt, and a blue skirt, crouched down, her little knees tucked beneath her as she handed me nails.
Initially, I had asked my 9-year-old son, Jake, to join us, but he gave me a look that suggested I was asking him to construct a skyscraper rather than simply lay down some boards. He voiced his reluctance, stating the attic was too cold and scary. Just as I was about to insist he help, Mia tugged at my pant leg, her gap-toothed smile lighting up the dim space. “I’ll help, Daddy,” she said cheerfully.
Over the past year, Mia has become my enthusiastic little helper. She accompanies me to the hardware store, hands me tools, and recounts the latest My Little Pony episodes while we work on various projects around the house. Admittedly, I’m not particularly handy myself; much of what I know comes from watching YouTube, coupled with a few choice curse words when I hit my fingers with a hammer.
Reflecting on my own childhood, I realize that even if I had had a father who was around, I might have mirrored Jake’s reluctance to engage in manual tasks. Often, I do persuade him to assist me—sometimes it’s essential, and other times I simply want to bond with him. I’ve wrestled with the fear of failing as a father if he leaves home without knowing how to use basic tools. For a long time, I believed it was only my son’s responsibility to learn these skills.
However, as Mia grows older and shows more eagerness to help with household maintenance, I’ve begun to rethink my outdated notion that only my son should be viewed as “Dad’s Helper.” This shift in perspective reminds me of an enlightening article by Linda Carter, titled “I Don’t Wait for My Partner to Get Things Done. I Can Handle It Myself.” In it, Carter describes a moment when her son suggested waiting for his father to fix something. She confidently replied that she was entirely capable of tackling it alone. She emphasized the importance of women being just as skilled as men in a variety of tasks, from fixing a leaky sink to running a Fortune 500 company. This highlights that men can also take on traditionally “feminine” roles, such as caring for children or handling household chores.
While I believe it is crucial for my son to learn how to use a hammer or drill, it is equally vital for all my children to grow up recognizing their own capabilities, irrespective of their gender. I want them to understand there is no shame in being a stay-at-home dad or a mother working in construction.
This past year, I’ve taught Mia how to avoid splinters while holding wood, swing a hammer, drive a screw, open paint cans, climb ladders, and carefully navigate the roof while cleaning gutters. Each time we work together, her bright-eyed curiosity fosters a genuine bond that transcends gender.
Once we finished our attic project, I helped Mia down the ladder. She looked up at me, beaming, and hugged my leg. “When can we do this again?” she asked eagerly. Despite my sore knees and back from all the crawling, her excitement was infectious. “Next weekend,” I replied, needing a moment to recuperate. She jumped in delight as if I had just invited her to a grand celebration, and then rushed inside to boast to Jake about using a hammer.
Like many aspects of parenting, I’m unsure how long this “Daddy’s Helper” phase will last. For now, though, I cherish the time spent teaching Mia skills that will grant her independence. I don’t want her to feel she has to wait for someone else to take charge; I want her to realize her full potential. I hope she brings her skills to the table in any future relationship, expecting equality in her partnerships, just as I want for Jake. For now, I’ll continue inviting her to assist me, hoping her enthusiasm lasts a while longer.
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Summary: The author reflects on the shifting dynamics of who helps with household tasks, realizing the importance of teaching both sons and daughters essential skills. As his daughter becomes more engaged in home projects, he recognizes the need to foster independence in all his children, regardless of gender. This journey of discovery emphasizes the value of hands-on learning and shared responsibilities in parenting.