As I hurried down the hallway, fumbling with my stethoscope and mentally reviewing patient notes, I spotted my 4-year-old daughter, Lily, curled up on the couch. Normally, she would be bouncing with excitement when her favorite babysitter arrived. Her pale complexion and droopy eyes told me something was amiss. Just then, the babysitter knocked, and as my husband went to greet her, I realized our evening plans had just evaporated.
Kids have an extraordinary knack for derailing plans, often choosing the most inopportune times to fall ill. You can barely step out the door when suddenly your phone lights up with a call from the babysitter or the school nurse, and you find yourself contemplating whether to answer or not. Raise your hand if you’ve ever thought, “Oops! I didn’t see your message until just now!” If you’re not raising your hand, you might be kidding yourself.
Here’s a list of phrases that have come out of my mouth as both a parent and a doctor, along with a few I’ve overheard from fellow parents who simply want to enjoy a brief moment of peace:
- “Is there actual vomit involved?” If it’s not measurable, I’m not rushing home.
- “Oh no, I should have given her more ibuprofen before sending her to school.” Mental note: Set a reminder.
- “Can’t you just give him an ice pack and let him chill for a bit? Ice packs fix everything, right?”
- “Just give her some water. She’ll perk up.” Really, water does wonders sometimes.
- “Do you have any of that special glue? Stitches are such a hassle.” Who has time for that?
- “Let me speak to her directly.” Things are about to get serious.
- “Are there any major injuries? Like bleeding out of eyeballs?” If not, back to class you go.
- “Is she on fire? With actual flames?” Same logic as above.
- “Lunch is coming up soon. She’s probably just hangry.” Oops, her lunch is still on the counter.
- “How deep is the cut, really?” Let’s cut to the chase, please.
- “If I take him for a quick check-up, can I bring him back?” That yoga class is calling my name.
- “Can he just rest for a little? Naps are great!”
- “Hey, his fever is down now. Can he return to school?” Just enough time for a grocery run.
- “It’s not lice, just some dry scalp.” Otherwise, I’d need to sanitize the entire house.
- “No worries, the tooth fairy will handle that tonight, send her back!” That’s what those adorable tooth treasures are for.
- “How wet are his pants? Are the socks soaked?” I’m not that heartless.
- “Honey, do you think it’s okay if I still go out? He hasn’t thrown up in an hour.” I need a breather.
- “He’s been fine since he got home; can I bring him back?” Seriously, let me get some peace.
- “Just tell him to blow his nose hard; it’ll unclog those ears.” Call me Mom MacGyver.
- “His eyes were fine when he left for school this morning.” After all, I did clean them.
- “I’ll bring cough medicine in about ten minutes.” That cough won’t just vanish.
- “Really, an ice pack is all he needs.” Seriously, just get him one already.
- “He’s just fine; he doesn’t like the substitute teacher.” True story.
- “Just put a Band-Aid on it, and I’ll sort it out later.” Band-Aids are a mom’s best friend.
- “Could you please call his dad?” It’s his turn to deal with the chaos.
While I may seem indifferent when it comes to minor ailments, I assure you that when my children are genuinely unwell, I’m the first to respond. However, when they’re calling from the nurse’s office complaining about a sore throat or a “hurty” sock, this mom is all about keeping it real. That means the kids stay at school, and my plans may still have a chance.
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In summary, navigating a child’s illness is a universal experience for parents. While genuine issues warrant immediate attention, many situations can be handled with a bit of humor and pragmatism.