We’ve all heard the principles of positive parenting: Your child, let’s say a spirited 6-year-old named Jamie, is yelling that you’re the worst parent ever, insisting that you ruin all their fun and refusing to clean up the toys because, according to them, it’s their siblings who made the mess.
Positive parenting suggests that you kneel down to Jamie’s level, wear a mildly concerned expression, and say something like, “Wow, you seem really upset. Can you share what’s making you feel that way?” Or perhaps you might say, “It sounds like you’re having some big feelings. How can I assist you with them?” Or even, “Wow, it seems like you could use a hug!” All of this while your child is practically screaming in your face.
Herein lies the conundrum of positive parenting: deep down, you might feel an overwhelming urge to just scream back or even, dare I say, contemplate less-than-loving thoughts.
Engaging in positive parenting requires you to maintain a calm demeanor, even when you want to unleash your inner Medusa. After all, you’ve spent the day doing laundry, cleaning, reading stories, and even navigating the perilous world of arts and crafts with scissors and glue. You’ve done all of this on a diet of lukewarm coffee and the remnants of breakfast. If you’re not a good parent, then what does that make you? It’s a frustrating thought.
Then, when Jamie spits out that you ruin their fun, it’s hard to resist the urge to list all you’ve done for them. You organized craft time, introduced glitter (the gift that keeps on giving!), read three bedtime stories, and even let them win at checkers. But mentioning any of this is frowned upon in the realm of positive parenting.
Instead, you’re encouraged to take deep breaths, even when they adamantly refuse to join you. While they stomp around insisting they won’t clean up, you can’t help but feel exasperated. You want to remind them that those toys belong to them, and you’re the one who ends up picking them up constantly.
You can’t announce that you’re tired of the endless cycle of cleaning up after them, so instead, you muster all your strength to keep a concerned look on your face and suggest turning the cleanup into a game. You might say, “Let’s see who can pick up the most toys the fastest! Ready, set, go!” or even sing some absurd cleanup song to the tune of “Frère Jacques.”
While positive parenting certainly has its merits, helping children feel validated and respected, the inner dialogue often leans toward thoughts of escape rather than affection. Unless you’ve achieved some sort of Zen-like state, it’s nearly impossible to endure a tantrum without feeling a bit overwhelmed. The true mark of a loving, positive parent? You don’t act on those feelings, but that doesn’t mean they don’t cross your mind.
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In summary, while positive parenting strives to promote understanding and respect for a child’s feelings, the reality of parenting can often feel overwhelming. The balance between maintaining a calm exterior and navigating the chaos of parenting is a challenge that many face, making it crucial to find support and resources along the way.