Recently, I took a moment to observe my partner, Mark, and our children as they walked ahead of me after a basketball game. When they turned around and noticed my absence, it felt nice to be acknowledged. It’s a small gesture that reminds me, especially on days when I feel more like a taxi driver or housekeeper, that I matter.
My family holds a significant place in my heart; they bring me joy, evoke emotions I didn’t know existed, and offer unconditional love. I would protect them fiercely. However, I’ve realized they do not complete me.
Back in college, I often shared aspirations with my roommate, Lucy, about wanting to be married with kids by 25. We both hoped that having a family would fill us up. Looking back, it’s clear that this notion was misguided. Although Mark and the kids enrich my life profoundly, I’ve learned that true happiness and a sense of completeness come from within. It’s a personal journey that no one else can undertake for me.
I’ve noticed that when I relied on others for my happiness, it ultimately made me want to escape. The burden of such expectations can be overwhelming. We might think our children or partners should fill voids in our lives, but I’ve found that this approach simply doesn’t resonate with me.
It’s vital for each of us to find our own sense of fulfillment, independent of others. Achieving a sense of completeness doesn’t mean being happy all the time; it means being authentic, knowing oneself, and surrounding yourself with positive influences without depending solely on them for joy.
As I grow older, I care less about trivial matters and find more peace within myself. I’m learning to focus on what truly brings me happiness. I’m complete on my own terms.
Soon enough, my children will embark on their own journeys, starting families of their own. It’s a relief to know they don’t have to be my everything, or I’d feel quite lonely as they pursue their paths. If I want to encourage them to chase their dreams beyond family life, I must model that behavior myself.
I enjoy writing, running, painting, and diving into a good book. Weekly lunch dates with close friends are essential to my well-being. I make it a point to have quality time with each child to strengthen our bond, and I regularly connect with my sisters. These pursuits fulfill me because they help me stay true to myself, rather than relying on anyone else for happiness.
Creating our own joy is our responsibility. I don’t want anyone to place their happiness in my hands, nor do I wish to feel that weight myself. Our family is undoubtedly our foundation, but until we invest in our own completeness, true happiness will elude us.
For more insights on personal fulfillment and family dynamics, check out this excellent resource on infertility and conception from the CDC. Additionally, if you’re curious about at-home insemination options, Make a Mom provides valuable information on the subject, as well as this post that discusses related topics.
Summary:
In the journey of self-discovery, it’s essential to recognize that while family plays a crucial role in our lives, true happiness and completeness stem from within. By pursuing personal passions and surrounding ourselves with positivity, we can create our own joy without placing burdens on those we love.