Eight years ago, I found myself in a rather challenging situation with my 2-year-old son, waiting for his older siblings to be released from school. This time of day often filled me with dread, as he transformed into a little terror, struggling to understand why I wouldn’t let him run wild and shout in the hushed hallway. “You need to be quiet and calm; the other kids are still learning,” I would assert repeatedly. It felt like an endless battle, with him testing my patience in front of others without uttering a single word of defiance, merely displaying his unruly behavior.
However, there was a pivotal moment when he decided to voice his feelings and attempted backtalk instead of his usual antics. “Mommy, I don’t like you,” he declared, and it struck a nerve. Even though he was just a toddler, I was furious. “Well, Mommy doesn’t like you either when you don’t listen and speak rudely. I expect you to behave,” I replied firmly. He paused, taken aback.
Some may argue that my response was overly harsh, but I have a zero-tolerance policy for backtalk. It infuriates me. In that moment, his behavior shifted significantly during pick-up time, as my words felt like a major reprimand to him. Of course, this wasn’t a permanent solution; he and his siblings still dabbled in the art of backtalk, fully aware of the consequences.
Fast forward eight years, and I find myself in my kitchen, exclaiming to my son, “If you’re going to say something that makes you sound like a jerk, just don’t say it!” I doubt my children fully grasp the meaning of my words, especially when they come out in a hiss because I’m so angry.
I have no tolerance for my children speaking to me or anyone else in a disrespectful manner. They’re well aware of the standards I uphold. I adopt a no-nonsense approach to this issue, which often results in me losing my cool. I believe that we teach others how to treat us, and while people may not always respond kindly, they generally know what behaviors are acceptable. This principle extends to my kids as well.
I’ve attempted to ignore rude comments from my children, but that strategy backfires. They interpret my silence as permission to escalate their disrespectful behavior. When I let their sassiness slide, especially in public, it spirals out of control, making me appear as if I condone their actions. Therefore, I discipline them on the spot, which sometimes means getting uncomfortably close and raising my voice.
My children understand that their treatment of me has consequences, and while this may draw disapproving looks from others, I would much rather face criticism for correcting my child than allow them to speak to me or others in an unacceptable manner. Respect must be mutual.
When their behavior crosses the line, I turn into the “Wicked Witch of the West,” swiftly taking away privileges. Initially, it involved desserts and playdates, but we’ve now moved on to screen time, with their cell phones becoming the primary target. They know my triggers—certain phrases or tones will result in immediate consequences, and I don’t make exceptions. If they interrupt me while asking them to do something they should know to do, I might take their phone for an entire week.
I won’t lie: maintaining consistency in this approach is incredibly challenging. There are times I regret my decisions and feel tempted to return their phones early if they seem to have learned their lesson. However, I generally hold my ground, even when they shower me with affection and apologies.
While some adults believe I’m too strict, I recognize that my kids are just testing boundaries, a natural part of their development. This struggle is likely to continue until they are grown and out of the house. I get it; I too have my moments of frustration when asked to do tasks I don’t want to. But for me, this is part of the journey of motherhood, and I’m not about to abandon my principles anytime soon.
Conclusion
In conclusion, maintaining respect in our home is essential, and while the road may be rocky, I believe in instilling these values in my children.
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