As I contemplate how to start this narrative, my instinct is to share heartwarming tales about my son, joyful anecdotes about my partner. I want to offer you a momentary escape, to bring back the smiles that may have faded from your day. I want to uplift you, to transport you back to a time of ease. However, before I can indulge in those sentiments, I must first address a crucial point: I cannot and will not grant you forgiveness this year.
I have dedicated my life to reaching this point. Raised in a financially struggling household, I learned early on the value of resilience. At 17, while attending a private religious college, I came out as a gay man. After becoming a victim of a hate crime, I chose to speak out rather than remain silent. I took a stand against the injustices my university community was unwilling to confront, even going so far as to sue for the right to establish a gay-straight alliance. I recognized the necessity of building a sense of community and fought tirelessly to ensure that marginalized voices were heard. With determination and effort, I committed myself to live a life grounded in gratitude, respect, and hard work.
My journey led me to Oliver, who would become my husband. Our shared values fueled our joint efforts to create a life that celebrated openness and connection. We invested time and energy into coming out to family members who struggled to accept us, a process that is ongoing and often exhausting.
After marrying in New York, we faced the harsh reality that our marriage was not recognized in our home state of New Jersey for an entire year. Now, as we navigate a world where marriage equality is recognized nationwide, we still refrain from showing affection publicly, wary of those who refuse to understand and may seek to harm us.
Our path to starting a family has been filled with challenges, yet we faced them with grace and tenacity. When our son, Leo, was born, I stood before him in those precious first moments, knowing that my partner and I would fight for him with unwavering resolve.
The Obama administration markedly improved our lives. As the first sitting president to endorse marriage equality, President Obama ensured that families like ours received essential protections. With legal recognition, our son enjoys healthcare coverage, and both his dads maintain their rights across state lines, enjoying the same safeguards as any other family.
The 2016 election posed significant risks for families like ours, as it threatened to dismantle the legacy of protection for marginalized groups established by President Obama. The Republican platform sought to undermine our rights, promoting the notion of “traditional marriage” and supporting businesses that could refuse service to families like ours under the guise of religious freedom.
In light of these threats, we reached out to those who had previously expressed support for our family. We cherish these connections, as we all need assistance from time to time. Yet, I found it troubling that many of the same individuals who voiced their love for us were planning to vote for the Republican Party and its candidate, Donald Trump. Despite our attempts to educate them about the implications of their choices, they remained unmoved, choosing to support a candidate whose values contradicted our very existence.
It is rare that we get a chance to advocate for families like mine, especially in areas that are not politically progressive. Elections offer us an opportunity to affirm the rights of young LGBTQ+ individuals, to remind them that they are worthy of love and acceptance. Yet, you made your choice. You opted for a party that seeks to strip my marriage of its legitimacy, one that endorses the right to deny my family equal treatment.
This was not a mere election cycle—it was a pivotal moment for my family’s existence. The incoming administration is filled with appointees who have records of supporting anti-LGBT legislation. Figures like Vice President Mike Pence and Attorney General Jeff Sessions have long histories of opposing our rights. The implications for families like mine are dire.
Let me be clear: It is not my responsibility to soothe your conscience after voting against my family. I wake up early to care for my son and navigate the demands of my career. I don’t have time to console you—because the reality is, everything is not okay.
Throughout my life, I’ve been inspired by resilient voices—those who stand up against adversity. Now, when I’m asked to forgive and forget the betrayal of those I thought I could trust, I hear the powerful lyrics of the Dixie Chicks echoing my truth: I’m not ready to make nice.
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In summary, we must remain vigilant and engaged in the political landscape, as the stakes for families like mine are higher than ever. The fight for equality and recognition continues, and we must not forget the choices we make and their impact on the lives of others.