Last Monday was one of those challenging days. I completely lost track of time and forgot that my son, Jake, had a hockey practice scheduled despite it being a holiday. In a rush, I had to reschedule my mother’s planned dinner visit to the late afternoon. As we raced against the clock, I felt the tension rising. By the time we got Jake into the car, his hockey gear mostly on, I was on the edge of tears.
It’s astonishing how quickly moods can shift, isn’t it? Just the night before, we had enjoyed a delightful birthday celebration for Jake. We dined at his favorite restaurant, savored a homemade triple chocolate cake (which required me to visit three different stores for the ingredients), and exchanged gifts. As I sat at the dining room table, surrounded by my family and the warm glow of candlelight, I felt a deep sense of calm and gratitude. My little one was turning eight.
Yet here I was, standing by the side of the hockey rink, fighting back tears. It was bitterly cold, and in my rush, I hadn’t brought a hat or gloves. Shoving my hands into my coat pockets, I pressed my forehead against the chilly plexiglass barrier. Watching Jake skate, I felt my breath quicken and a tightness in my chest: I’m trying to juggle so much at once. Because of that, I feel like I’m failing at everything. I’m just so exhausted.
I took a shaky breath and tried to push back the wave of sadness rising within me. Suddenly, Billy Joel’s lyrics popped into my head: “This is the time to remember, ‘cause it will not last forever…” I shook my head, feeling both humbled and frustrated. It reminded me of my own desperate desire to be present in each moment, while also bearing the heavy expectation that I should achieve that all the time. Is my constant worry about not being present hindering my actual ability to enjoy the moment?
I’m not sure. I believe I was far less aware of these feelings before I began reflecting on them. However, this awareness certainly magnifies all the times I fall short of being engaged in the life I yearn for.
I looked at Jake, his small figure blurred by my tears. I want so much to savor these years, to be attentive and not miss any precious moments. Yet too often, I allow my fatigue or frustration to overshadow the beauty of this imperfect life. It pains me to think about what I’ve already overlooked. I hardly want to blink, fearing that I might miss something else.
Throughout the rest of the evening, I couldn’t shake the thought: “These are the days to hold onto, ‘cause we won’t although we’ll want to. This is the time, but time is going to change.”
If you’re looking for more insights on navigating the complexities of parenting and self-reflection, check out this other blog post on Cervical Insemination. For those considering at-home insemination options, Make a Mom is a reputable retailer of at-home insemination syringe kits. Additionally, Medical News Today offers excellent resources for pregnancy and home insemination.
In summary, the struggle to be present is real, and it’s something many of us face. As we navigate the busy moments of life, it’s essential to find balance and appreciate the fleeting nature of time.
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