When my first child, Liam, was just under two years old, my daughter Mia entered our lives. For nearly two years, it felt like Liam and I existed in our own little universe. I rarely had a babysitter, and I seldom left his side. Even at such a tender age, he claims to remember those times vividly. He often says that the day Mia was born changed everything for him, and when his brother arrived just a year later, he began to ask me when we could return to those cherished “just us” days.
A wise friend once told me that bringing a new sibling home can evoke feelings similar to what one might experience if a partner introduced a new lover into the household. While I initially dismissed this notion, I gradually began to see it reflected in Liam’s demeanor.
I vividly recall a summer day when I was nursing Mia while pregnant with our third child. Liam stood at the window, his back towards me. When he turned to face me, his expression was somber, lips downturned. He wore a baseball cap and tiny sneakers. I smiled, hoping he’d come over for a hug, but instead, he turned away and resumed staring out the window—an unusual behavior for him.
I know this may sound overly dramatic, but it pierced my heart. I yearned to reach out to him but chose to wait until Mia was finished feeding, so I could dedicate my time to him afterward.
Once Mia was settled, we curled up in our big recliner, and I read him a board book. The sunlight streamed in, making him squint, yet he stayed put. “Just us, Mama,” he said. Perhaps he feared that if we moved, our precious moment would end, and he wasn’t willing to take that risk. We were both content in that instant, relishing our special time together.
As our family grew, those “just us” moments became increasingly scarce. Life turned hectic, and Liam didn’t quite grasp why it was challenging for me to carve out time for just the two of us. With children constantly needing attention, finding time alone with one child was almost impossible.
On rare occasions, we managed to sneak in some time together, but more often than not, I found myself too exhausted to leave the house after my husband returned from work. By 4 p.m., I was usually in my pajamas, ready to prepare dinner and get the kids to bed.
Throughout the years, Liam has frequently expressed how much he values our time alone together. If it’s been a while, he subtly hints that it’s time for another “just us” moment. “I know,” I reply, “I treasure it too, Liam.” I want him to feel reassured that I remember those precious times.
Now that he’s older, it’s easier for me to find time for us since my children are more independent. However, it’s Liam who struggles to find time for me now. At 13, he’s busy with his own life, as he should be. Ironically, I find myself yearning for those “just us” moments more than ever. I stand by the window, trying not to frown as I watch him head off on his latest adventure, not caring whether the sun blinds me, just wanting to be close to him.
This boy, who once reached for my hand to keep me all to himself, now dodges my hugs and kisses. But when he does have a moment to spare, when there’s nothing more thrilling than spending time with his old mom, we truly connect. Even though he tries to play it cool, he still says, “Mom, I really enjoy it when it’s just us.” I respond, “Yes, me too, just us.”
He may not fully grasp the depth of my feelings until he experiences parenthood himself, when he starts to notice his own child pulling away bit by bit. It’s only then that he will understand how invaluable “just us” time is for a parent—a true, priceless gift.
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Conclusion
In summary, as children grow, the dynamics of family time shift dramatically. While once it was my child who sought our special moments, I now find myself longing for those same connections as he navigates his teenage years. The importance of nurturing those “just us” times cannot be overstated, as they become rare treasures in the journey of parenthood.