As a parent, there are countless moments throughout the day where I find myself uttering polite phrases such as, “What’s happening here?” But in my mind, I’m actually thinking, “Why are you two bickering again over that silly toy when you have more than enough to play with?”
“Really?” is often just a polite way of masking my true thoughts: “Why did I even get out of bed today?”
When I say, “Please don’t do that again,” I’m trying hard not to lose my patience as I think, “If you push me one more time, I might just explode!”
And when I say, “It’s okay; accidents happen,” my internal monologue is more like, “This is it. I’m on the brink of losing my sanity. My partner is going to walk in and find me curled up in a ball, and soon I’ll be living in a padded room.”
Parenthood is an emotional roller coaster, filled with extreme highs and lows: joy, frustration, love, doubt, and even insanity — all packed into just a few minutes. While there are magical moments, there are plenty of days where the overwhelming chaos can drown out that magic. During these times, the “Bad Mom” in me wishes I could be more honest with my kids about the following:
- Honestly, I’d rather not attend your dance class or any after-school activity. I dread the hunt for clean uniforms, the constant snack preparation, and the inevitable whining on days when you’d rather stay home. Plus, those uncomfortable seats? Torture.
- When you read aloud, I often fight the urge to finish your sentences. I want to cheer you on, but your pace makes me want to scream, “It’s ‘brown bear’, not rocket science!”
- There are nights when I wish you’d just drift off without needing me to tuck you in. Sometimes, as I kiss you goodnight, I’m daydreaming about cozying up on the couch with chocolate and scrolling through social media.
- I don’t always want to kiss your boo-boos. Sometimes, I know you’re just being dramatic, and it takes all I have to resist scooping you up and showering you with affection.
- I could do without the daily battles over baths. I don’t want to deal with the mess or your protests. And honestly, do you not notice that you smell?
- I loathe your homework almost as much as you do. It’s exhausting to sit through assignments that you’ll forget the moment they’re done.
- Family outings to places with water often feel more like a chore. I’d rather relax than constantly be called upon to “watch me, Mommy!” every two seconds.
- Some days, dinner feels like a struggle. When I whip up something special, your disdain can be hard to swallow. Why can you finish snacks in a flash but take an eternity with dinner?
- I try to show genuine interest in your passions, but sometimes, I’m just bored. I listen intently, hoping for a distraction to end the conversation.
- I experience doubt and fear just like you. I worry about your future and if my guidance is enough. The guilt that accompanies these fears can be overwhelming.
- I wish I could control every aspect of your life. Sending you out into the world is terrifying, knowing you’ll face challenges. It pains me to step back and allow you to make your own mistakes.
- Above all, I wish you could comprehend the depth of my love for you. Parenthood is a fierce and overwhelming love, and I hope one day, when you have children of your own, you’ll truly understand just how much you mean to me.
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In summary, parenting is a complex journey filled with both heartwarming and challenging moments. While I strive to maintain a positive front for my children, there are many times I wish I could share my true feelings. Despite the struggles, the bond of love remains unbreakable.