Dec. 10, 2023
As I cradle the newest member of my family, an overwhelming sense of joy and fulfillment washes over me. I’ve realized that I can achieve something truly remarkable — I can bring wonderful children into this world. Despite the hurdles, I feel a profound sense of reward.
Breast cancer has led me to the most incredible gift imaginable: a healthy, beautiful baby boy. I won’t pretend that adjusting to life with my fifth child has been a walk in the park; it has its challenges, yet every moment has been worth it. Like any mother, I may occasionally lose my patience, but that doesn’t diminish the depth of my love for my children. It simply highlights my humanity — I am imperfect, and that’s perfectly okay.
Over the past two years, I’ve learned to come to terms with my altered body. While I may not revel in my new appearance, I am grateful it’s far better than the alternative. Many people are curious about what a mastectomy entails, while others may find it unappealing and wish to avoid it altogether. I once had a conversation where someone expressed disdain, saying, “That’s gross! I would never want to see it.” In that moment, I reflected on my feelings and thought, “That’s unfortunate, but everyone is entitled to their opinions.”
However, I also felt compelled to voice my thoughts: “I find that deeply hurtful. If you think my mastectomy is ‘gross,’ then you’re implying that I am as well, and that wounds me.” It was during this moment of self-defense that I recognized I had nothing to be ashamed of. I battled cancer, and while my breast may have posed a threat to my life, it also now nourishes and sustains another human being.
My relationship with my breasts is complex. I despise that they once jeopardized my life, yet I cherish my ability to breastfeed my baby. My children don’t see the scars or care that I have only one breast; what matters to them is that I am alive, that I nurture them, and that they are surrounded by love.
Throughout my parenting journey, I’ve utilized both formula and breastfeeding, and each has its unique benefits. The bond I share with my youngest while nursing is irreplaceable. I once felt unwanted, but now I am more needed than ever, which brings immense solace. It’s astonishing how those who have undergone a mastectomy can still breastfeed; the capabilities of our bodies can be miraculous if we allow ourselves to embrace them. I refuse to view myself as an outcast because of my cancer; I am a fully functional individual with endless possibilities ahead, and I strive to challenge myself daily.
Next time you encounter someone who looks different, pause before speaking. Consider the battles they may have faced and continue to navigate. Focus on the positive aspects rather than the negatives. We all experience emotions — some are more sensitive than others. Let’s choose to spread kindness instead.
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Summary:
This piece reflects on the profound changes and joys of motherhood following a breast cancer diagnosis. The author shares the bittersweet relationship with her body post-mastectomy, emphasizing the importance of love and acceptance. Despite challenges, she celebrates the miracle of life and encourages others to approach those who may look different with compassion and understanding.