When my eldest daughter was born, I saw myself primarily as a stay-at-home mom. In a way, I was fortunate to have found my calling through motherhood, especially considering the chaotic life I led as a 22-year-old. For the first two years, I was her constant companion, fully immersed in the world of stay-at-home parenting.
As she transitioned into part-time daycare, I began a college program, creating a unique blend of being a “student mom” and a full-time caretaker at home. This period was both thrilling and strange, as I realized my daughter was forming a social circle independent of me. This trend only intensified as she entered school. Other adults started playing significant roles in her life, which can feel either like a wonderful community extension or a source of guilt and judgment.
Over the past three years, I’ve embraced the full-time working mom role. My transition was gradual: I began as a student, then moved to an internship, and finally a part-time job. Now, with both of my kids—one a vibrant 4-year-old and the other a curious second-grader—I’ve noticed several key differences in my life as a working mom:
Time Becomes Precious
Time is no longer a luxury; it’s a necessity. The evenings vanish almost immediately after we return home, grab a quick bite, and maybe catch a show or two. Non-work hours are an intricate balance of essential tasks, much-needed relaxation, and reconnecting with my children and partner. Everything feels intertwined, often clashing, while weekdays become a blur of activity. We find ourselves living for the weekends and merely surviving the days in between.
Familiarity Takes a Backseat
Much of this can be attributed to my supportive partner, who actively shares parenting duties. However, it’s increasingly clear that this is essential for families with working parents. Something has to give, and the hope is that it’s not the mom’s well-being. I recently realized I can’t keep track of which milk brand my kids prefer. With fewer meals together, the small nuances that once seemed routine have slipped my mind. As a SAHM, I would have instinctively known what they ate after grocery shopping.
Connections Beyond the Family
This is a glaring reality for any working parent: you can’t always be there to nurture your child’s friendships. You want your children to have loving and trustworthy adults in their lives, even if it sometimes feels threatening. As my daughter grows, her social network expands to include school friends and their families. She goes to a friend’s house after school, and I struggle to even recognize the parents involved. It’s astonishing to feel so disconnected from people who are now significant in my daughter’s life.
A Broader Social Circle
This might be a natural byproduct of my kids growing up, but it also reflects our family’s shift from being together all day. Each of us now participates in different social environments, which broadens our community but also heightens our obligations. Birthday parties and social events seem never-ending. As the holiday season approaches, I find myself juggling multiple work-related exchanges, school activities, and family gatherings. It can be overwhelming, yet it’s crucial to support each unique sphere where we spend our time.
Different, Not Necessarily Harder or Easier
While my life has undeniably changed, I genuinely appreciate the current arrangement. I thrive when I have my own space and identity, which is often challenging to achieve as a stay-at-home parent. Although I sometimes feel a pang of nostalgia for the days spent together, I recognize that children need that space to grow. It’s a natural progression, albeit complex and non-linear.
Even my dreams of being a full-time SAHM had a time limit. Now, as a working mom, I have a degree of control over my daily life, but it comes with its own set of challenges. I often rush home, feeling like I’m falling short, with one foot in multiple worlds. But I also appreciate the breaks from parenting, which are rare for SAHMs, and the opportunity to pursue my ambitions. I hope my kids will someday understand my choices and forgive me for the little things I might overlook along the way.
I used to empathize with working families, wondering how they managed to juggle everything. Yet, now that I’m in their shoes, it doesn’t feel quite the same. Some days are tough, but there isn’t a clear measure to compare one lifestyle against another. Each scenario has its pros and cons, and both involve loving parents navigating daily struggles.
And let’s be honest, the extra income is a significant benefit too.
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Summary
Transitioning from a stay-at-home mom to a working mom brings significant changes in time management, social dynamics, and personal identity. While the experience can be overwhelming, it also allows for personal growth and new opportunities. Embracing these shifts can lead to a fulfilling balance between family and career.