As a pediatrician, I often see parents who, much like myself, thrive on positive reinforcement. I affectionately think of myself as an “encouragement enthusiast.” It fills my heart with joy when others recognize my efforts, whether it’s grand praise like “Your commitment to your children is inspiring” or small acknowledgments such as “Your kids are impressively polite.”
I gather compliments like rare collectibles, particularly when it comes to my role as a parent. What parent wouldn’t want to hear that they’re doing a fantastic job raising their children? It’s uplifting when someone takes a moment to affirm your hard work, whispering those sweet words: “You’re doing great.” Those moments can elevate your spirits and make you feel unstoppable, especially on challenging days.
While there’s nothing inherently wrong with appreciating compliments, I often find myself overly reliant on the words of others for validation, instead of recognizing my own achievements. This need for external affirmation can lead to a draining cycle of self-doubt.
Consider a day spent with my children and a friend. If my kids are well-behaved—polite, patient, and even sharing their toys—I might find myself anxiously waiting for my friend to notice their behavior and praise my parenting. Instead of celebrating my children’s good conduct and my role in fostering it, I focus on waiting for someone else to voice what I already know: I’m doing well. It’s a tremendous waste of time.
I recognize that sometimes we all crave that acknowledgment, but it’s essential to be your own cheerleader. Take a step back and appreciate the hard work you’ve put into parenting. Life can be tough, and it’s easy to dwell on the negatives—our mistakes and shortcomings. But think for a moment: when was the last time you commended yourself for handling a challenging situation? When did you take a moment to acknowledge your unwavering support for your children’s dreams?
We all aspire to raise smart, empathetic, and confident kids. That’s why we encourage them with phrases like “You can achieve anything” and “I’m so proud of you!” We want them to build self-belief because we won’t always be around to support them. To do this effectively, we must also nurture our self-belief as parents. We must demonstrate that confidence for our children.
So, stop waiting for the grand praise from your friends, family, or even acquaintances. Look in the mirror and affirm yourself. Repeat after me: “I am a fantastic parent, and I am doing an excellent job raising my kids.”
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In summary, it’s crucial to celebrate your accomplishments as a parent and not solely rely on external validation. Take pride in your parenting journey, acknowledge your successes, and model that confidence for your children.