As a physician, I often encounter the complexities of attachment and emotional bonds, particularly in the realm of foster care. Recently, I found myself in a parking lot, overwhelmed with emotion after finding a toothbrush left behind by a young boy who had been in my care for just two and a half weeks. During that brief time, I witnessed his joy and transformation—from sleepless nights filled with fear to swinging on playground equipment with carefree laughter. He called me “mama,” and I reassured him each time I left that I would return. Now, as he adjusts to his new home, I learned from his new mom that he is missing me. In an attempt to comfort him, I sent a photo, hoping it would provide some solace.
What I often hear from others is, “I could never do foster care because I would get too attached.” Truthfully, I am just like you. I form connections. I was the one who knew his bedtime routine and his favorite flavor of jam for toast. I helped him navigate through difficult moments and celebrated his little victories. Watching him sleep, my heart swelled with affection.
To those who worry about becoming “too attached” to these children who must eventually leave, I want to clarify: I absolutely get attached every single time. I think about them often, and they even visit my dreams, leaving me with tears upon waking. The emotional weight can be heavy, sometimes forcing me to catch my breath. But what I understand even more profoundly is the importance of offering these children my love, no matter the pain of separation. I willingly shoulder their burdens in my adult heart to lighten their load.
It is unconscionable for an eight-year-old who has witnessed unspeakable trauma not to experience the love of a caring stranger. It is unacceptable for a two-year-old to sit in a social worker’s office in soiled clothes simply because I might fear getting too attached. Yes, I get attached. Yes, I always will. The joy of forming these bonds has been the most rewarding experience of my life, and I would do it all over again without hesitation.
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In summary, forming deep connections with foster children is both a challenge and a privilege. While the emotional toll can be intense, the opportunity to love and support these children outweighs the pain of parting. Each child deserves to experience love, and I am honored to be a part of their journey.